Round 1
Boner Candidate #1: THAT’S IT. WE’RE REVOKING YOUR LICENSE!
The state of Arizona is revoking the license of a care facility where an incapacitated woman was raped and gave birth last year after another patient was found to have maggots. The Arizona Department of Health Services said late Friday that revoking the license of Hacienda Healthcare will give the state more oversight of the facility but will not force it to close. The agency says the license was revoked “based on findings from a recent survey and an extremely disturbing incident involving inadequate patient care.” The health department had confirmed Friday that it would investigate the facility after maggots were discovered earlier this week near a surgical incision beneath a patient’s gauze bandage. A Hacienda spokesman had said the facility is the same location where an incapacitated woman was raped and gave birth in 2018. A nurse who worked at the facility has pleaded not guilty in the case. Hacienda’s board of directors initially proposed closing the unit where the rape victim lived, saying it was no longer financially sustainable. The state stepped in to regulate the facility to avoid 37 residents getting displaced. Arizona lawmakers just months ago required the facility to be licensed. The legislature eliminated a two-decade-old law exempting Hacienda form state licensure requirements. Hacienda is the first intermediate care facility in Arizona to be licensed since the 1990s, when lawmakers approved the exemption.
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Boner Candidate #2: SEA TURTLES ARE MY ENEMIES!
A woman has been arrested in Miami Beach, Florida, after she was seen stomping on a sea turtle nest, according to police. Yaqun Lu, 41, was seen by witnesses and Miami Beach police officers on Saturday “jabbing at the sea turtle nest” with a wooden stake and “stomping all over the nest with her bare feet,” an arrest affidavit says. The area had been closed off to the public with yellow tape and a sign that said, “Do not disturb sea turtle nest,” the affidavit says. Lu, a Chinese citizen who gave police a home address in Michigan, faces a charge of marine turtle or egg molestation or harassment, per online court records. A number of sea turtle species are protected under both the 1973 US Endangered Species Act and Florida law, according to Miami Beach’s website, and it’s illegal to touch or harm them or their eggs. “Thankfully,” Miami Beach police said, “it appears the eggs were not damaged.”
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Boner Candidate #3: THE DOG SNIFFED ME.
A man allegedly stabbed a neighbor and the neighbor’s dog after a scuffle that started when the dog sniffed the man, police said. Christian Logan McKusick, 27, was arrested Saturday for investigation of aggravated cruelty to an animal, possession of a dangerous weapon by a restricted person and aggravated assault, according to court documents. On Saturday, police responded to a stabbing report and found a man who was bleeding from the head and neck, a police affidavit filed in 5th District Court states. The dog’s neck was also “severely bleeding,” police said. The man was taken to a hospital for treatment and the dog to a veterinarian’s office. They both survived. The man told police he then pushed McKusick against a wall and McKusick “came straight down on his head with the knife” and also stabbed him in the neck, according to court documents. McKusick allegedly then ran into his home with the knife and then ran away into the neighborhood. An officer found him two streets away and arrested him, the affidavit states. Police noted that McKusick seemed “out of breath and agitated” and had blood on his hand. He told police the blood was from playing around with a knife a few days earlier, the affidavit states.
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Round 2
Boner Candidate #1: SEEMS REASONABLE TO ME.
Because science: Christian TV Host Rick Wiles claims that meatless burgers are a Satanic plot meant to rewrite human DNA and create a “race of soulless creatures.” Right Wing Watch reports that Wiles, host of TruNews, a television “news” program produced for conservative Christians, believes that “plant-based alternatives to meat and dairy products, is part of a satanic plot to alter human DNA so that people can no longer worship God.” Appearing on his program earlier this week, Wiles said: When you go to your favorite fast food restaurant, you are going to be eating a fake hamburger. You’re going to go to the grocery store and buy a pound of fake hamburger or a fake steak, and you won’t know that it was grown in some big corporation’s laboratory. This is the nightmare world that they are taking us into. They’re changing God’s creation. Why? Because they want to be God. Wiles continued: God is an environmentalist. He takes this very seriously. He created this planet, he created the universe and he’s watching these Luciferians destroy this planet, destroy the animal kingdom, destroy the plant kingdom, change human DNA. Why? They want to change human DNA so that you can’t be born again. That’s where they’re going with this, to change the DNA of humans so it will be impossible for a human to be born again. They want to create a race of soulless creatures on this planet.
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Boner Candidate #2: I GOTTA A LITTLE GETTING EVEN TO DO!
Former NFL player, movie star, and accused double-murderer O.J. Simpson is back in the news once again, this time for posting some bizarre videos on his new Twitter account. “Coming soon to Twitter, you’ll be able to read my thoughts and opinions on just about everything,” Simpson remarks in his first video. Simpson then eerily adds, “This should be a lot of fun, I’ve got a lot of getting even to do.” Given Simpson’s criminal background and involvement in the “Trial of the Century” in 1994, that particular phrasing is leaving a lot of people very nervous. In a second video posted on Saturday, Simpson takes a bit of a more light-hearted approach in talking to his followers. “For years, people have been able to say whatever they want to say about me, with no accountability” Simpson says, noting he now gets to “challenge all of that B.S. and set the record straight.” Does this mean the disgraced celebrity will publicly open up about his side of the infamous double-homicide he was charged with? Simpson doesn’t clarify, but does mention he’ll also be using Twitter to talk about politics, sports, and fantasy football. The second video ends with Simpson wishing a happy father’s day to all of his “fellow fathers” out there. Before 1994, Simpson was one of the world’s most beloved celebrities. He first rose to great fame as a running back for the Buffalo Bills, setting many new records and spending 11 years in the NFL. Concurrently, he found great success as an actor, having appeared in many movie and TV roles in the years leading up to the infamous incident. Perhaps most famously, Simpson portrayed the clumsy Detective Nordberg in the Leslie Nielsen comedy The Naked Gun and its two sequels. As an actor, Simpson’s final performance was for a starring role in a planned Warner Bros. TV series called Frogmen, which was never aired in light of Simpson’s criminal trial. While Simpson was ultimately acquitted of the crimes, the damage to his name was enough to keep him out of Hollywood ever since.
Boner Candidate #3: NOBODY STEALS DOLLS IN PHOENIX AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!
An Arizona couple has filed a $10 million claim against the city of Phoenix after several police officers there repeatedly threatened to shoot them during a physically aggressive encounter. The scene erupted after the couple’s 4-year-old daughter allegedly stole a doll from a dollar store, according to the Arizona Republic. Videos of the May 29 incident, which circulated more recently on social media, show a pregnant woman—24-year-old Iesha Harper—struggling to obey police orders to leave her car as she holds her two small children. At one point, while the children are still in the vehicle, a police officer can be seen pointing a gun at the car as another yells, “You’re going to f**king get shot.” At another point, one of the officers shouts at the girl’s father, 22-year-old Dravon Ames, “I’m going to put a f**king cap in your f**king head.” According to Ames, the incident started when police (who appear in the videos to be mostly white) approached Ames and Harper (who appear black) after they had parked at their babysitter’s apartment complex. Before the encounter, someone anonymously called the police to report that the couple’s daughter had stolen a doll from a nearby Family Dollar. The couple believes the daughter took the toy by accident. In a video that a resident of the apartment complex recorded, an officer can be seen pointing his gun and shouting at Ames and Harper—who are inside the car with their daughters, ages 1 and 4—to get out. In the claim, Ames says that an officer walked to the backseat door but couldn’t open it because it was broken. He adds that the officer then slammed his fist against the window and told Harper to open the door and put her hands up.
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