Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for June 18th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: PRISON DAD

A Father’s Day post from Bill Cosby’s social media accounts Sunday night called him “America’s Dad,” a title the comedian has long claimed. But as Mr. Cosby spent this Father’s Day in a Pennsylvania prison, serving a three- to 10-year sentence for sexually assaulting a woman in 2004, some weren’t so sure the moniker should still apply. The posts, on Mr. Cosby’s Twitter, Facebook and Instagram accounts, read: “Hey, Hey, Hey … It’s America’s Dad … I know it’s late, but to all of the Dads … It’s an honor to be called a Father, so let’s make today a renewed oath to fulfilling our purpose — strengthening our families and communities.” Attached was an older video of Mr. Cosby discussing black families and racism in America.

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Boner Candidate #2: I’M PAYING FOR MY CHICKEN WINGS WITH THIS

A Florida man was arrested last Friday after trying to flee a restaurant without paying for a chicken wing meal while exposing himself to patrons and staff. Brandon Paul Muenz, 30, of Hudson, was detained by deputies from the Pasco Sheriff’s Office shortly after 9 p.m. outside Kickin Wingz in Port Richey, inmate records show. He was held by the store manager and a witness who had been in the family restaurant at the time. When officers arrived at the scene the suspect’s clothing was torn and he was also “exposing his sexual organs when he moved around,” an arrest report stated, according to WTSP. Customers inside the restaurant said Muenz had been wearing “torn and disheveled” clothing while eating chicken. The situation escalated after an employee approached to ask if he would pay for the food. He attempted to look for cash and appeared to be rubbing himself. Citing the arrest report, WFLA reported that the employee asked her boss to intervene. Muenz then allegedly ran from the Kickin Wingz via the front door but he was stopped in the parking lot. The arrest report said employees were “disturbed and bothered by the way [Muenz] was acting and the way he was dressed which exposed his private parts inside a family restaurant.” Inmate records show Muenz—since released—was charged with breach of peace; disorderly conduct, which is a second-degree misdemeanor. Criminal defense law firm Hussein & Webber says it carries penalties of up to 60 days in jail or six months of probation, and a $500 fine.

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Boner Candidate #3: ONE LESS RACIST AT HARVARD

Of the many student activists who emerged from the tragic shooting last year at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla., Kyle Kashuv stood out as a conservative defender of the Second Amendment, surrounded by classmates who were mobilizing for sweeping new controls on guns. He used that distinction to get meetings with the likes of President Trump and successfully push for what he believed would be more effective federal legislation to improve school security and help detect potential threats of violence at schools, as he proudly related in his admission essay to Harvard College. In the essay, he described hiding in a classroom closet during the February 2018 rampage in which 17 people were killed. He said he learned about the deaths of his classmates one by one and chose to devote himself to activism afterward. “While I support a conservative viewpoint on the Second Amendment, I know that finding common ground is the path to protecting our students,” he wrote. “I still believe that from the pits of despair, goodness can and will prevail.” Harvard accepted him into its freshman class — briefly. On Monday, Mr. Kashuv revealed on Twitter that the university this month rescinded its admission offer over a trail of derogatory and racist screeds that it turns out Mr. Kashuv, 18, wrote as a 16-year-old student, months before the shooting that would turn his high school into one of the most famous in the country. Mr. Kashuv, who had apologized for the comments when they became public last month, did so again on Monday as he announced Harvard’s decision on Twitter. It followed, he said, a campaign against him organized by political opponents and former classmates who long ago stopped being his friends.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: WHY ARE YOU ALL BENT OUT OF SHAPE?

Jon Stewart had plenty to say to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell on Monday night. Stewart, the former host of “The Daily Show,” popped up on “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” to respond to a statement McConnell made to Fox News. McConnell told Fox News that he didn’t know why Stewart was “all bent out of shape” when it comes to the reauthorization of the September 11 Victim Compensation Fund, and said it would be fully funded. The current law was renewed in 2015 and is set to expire in 2020, but the fund’s administrator announced in February that there was insufficient funding to pay all claims. At the time of its last renewal, Congress appropriated $4.6 billion for the fund, bringing the total appropriated amount of the fund over the years to $7.4 billion. The new bill, which advanced out of committee, does not call for a specific amount of money but whatever sums necessary through 2090.

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Boner Candidate #2: US SOCCER STAR VISITED BY HUSBAND WHO PLAYS A SPORT

Philadelphia Eagles star tight end Zach Ertz has been granted leave from the team’s mini-camp so he can watch his wife, Julie, compete in the FIFA Women’s World Cup. Ertz is married to Team USA defensive midfielder Julie Ertz. The Philadelphia Inquirer reported on Thursday that Eagles Coach Doug Peterson told Ertz that he can skip meetings after mini-camp practice and fly to France to watch his wife play. On Wednesday, Ertz offered a fiery defense of his wife’s team 13-0 victory over Thailand, which some had criticized as being an example of running up the score. “First of all, the first tie-breaker in the World Cup for the group stage is goal differential,” he said. “So it would be a crime for them to take their foot off the gas and then finish second in the group because they took their foot off the gas. Second, the best way to build team chemistry, I think you guys saw that a couple years ago with us, was the way we celebrate with one another.”

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Boner Candidate #3: SHUT UP, HERCULES!

Kevin Sorbo has the internet riled up over a series of tweets. The Hercules: The Legendary Journeys actor is trending on Twitter as a result of several posts slamming the Democratic party and women. A Christian — and Trump supporter — he recently said he’s been “completely blacklisted” in Hollywood due to his beliefs, but that’s not going to keep him quiet on social media. His Father’s Day offerings included a tweet touching on multiple hot-button topics — like abortion and immigration — while slamming Democrats. He wrote, “A party that supports abortion over Life, illegals aliens over its citizens, and refugees over its veterans is going to lecture me on morals. Don’t think so.” Another tweet talked about the mass shooting problem in the U.S. The 60-year-old wrote that the bigger problem is the “2000 killed by illegal aliens” in 2018. (That statistic was previously debunked by PolitiFact.) The post ended with three calls to “Build the wall.”

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