Boners

Boner of the Day for June 20th, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: OH, THAT’S HOW YOU FOUND US

A 35-year-old Pueblo woman and 25-year-old Pueblo West man are among those suspected of breaking into a Loaf ’N Jug in the 1200 block of West 17th Street Monday. The police report notes that after breaking a front door window to gain access, the suspects left the store with cigarettes, while leaving behind a trove of items taken into evidence including clothing, phones and most importantly, identification cards and two purses with contents.  The burglary incident was captured on the store’s surveillance system.
Damage to the window was estimated at $1,000.

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Candidate #2: WHAT SHOULD WE USE TO PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR MISERY?

Former student baseball players at an Alabama community college are accused of pulling a duck from a campus pond and beating it with a bat. Following a party, Thomas “Landon” Grant and Jacob Frye allegedly beat the white Muscovy duck found on the campus of Central Alabama Community College in Alexander City before putting it in a bag at a nearby apartment. One of the pair allegedly then beat the duck further in an attempt to “put it out of its misery” before dumping the animal in a wooded area, per Fox News. A coach who soon after learned of the May 5th incident found the duck alive, Detective Robert Oliver says, per AL.com. It was then euthanized. Grant, 19, was booked into the Tallapoosa County Jail on May 31 before posting $5,000 bond. Now living in Georgia, Frye, also 19, surrendered to Alexander City Police on Friday. Both are charged with aggravated animal cruelty. (Elsewhere in Alabama, deputies rescued an “attack squirrel” that had been fed meth.)

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Candidate #3: I WAS JUST DOING MY JOB

An elderly Walmart worker in Texas says he will never be the same after he was attacked over a possible misunderstanding. “He punched on my face with a closed right hand,” Mohinder Randhawa said. “I fell down on the ground.” The video is still too tough to watch for 72-year-old Randhawa, and he refuses to see it. The Walmart greeter said he never saw it coming. He was punched so hard that he blacked out. “My left upper lip was broken from here, blood started out, and inside also there was a cut about half an inch,” he explained. Investigators say 42-year-old Craig Valentine is the person seen in the video assaulting Randhawa the night of June 14 at the Walmart in Cypress, Texas. The Walmart greeter says when he checked Valentine’s receipt, he noticed that a case of Gatorade had not been paid for. “I told him if you want, you can scan and take it,” he said. However, Randhawa said Valentine got angry, yelling out he had paid for everything. In the video, Valentine appears to push Randhawa and then punch him.

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Round 2

Candidate #1: NO ONE IS GETTING A STRAIGHT ANSWER

A Utah man came in from a long night to find an unexpected visitor had made herself at home inside of his apartment. It’s probably not what you would expect to see when you walk into your own home, a stranger staring back at you. “I walked straight in and she was standing right here on the counter just looking at me,” said Ryan Spurlock as he opened his apartment door and looked to the island in the kitchen. “I was looking right at her and a homeless girl was just looking right at me,” he continued. That was the first thing Spurlock saw when he got back to his North Salt Lake apartment around 4 o’clock on Wednesday morning. “It felt like a dream, honestly. Even when I laid down, it didn’t feel real,” Spurlock said. The woman had placed her shoes neatly by the door and made herself at home. “She went in my fridge, she opened a drink and she drank it, she sat on my couch,” said Spurlock. “She told me she lives here, I said, ‘No you don’t, this is my place,’” he added. Spurlock said the woman was even wearing his new clothes, “I noticed the bag was there and she was wearing them too,” he said as he picked up the empty shopping bag from the counter. Spurlock said the situation was confusing, he wasn’t sure if the woman was homeless, if she lived in the building, if she was on drugs or who she was. He didn’t know what to do, so he offered her some food as he began to question her. “What are you doing? Where are you from? She wouldn’t tell me her name, she started laughing and I thought she was on drugs,” he said.

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Candidate #2: HOW CAN WE KEEP CLEAN?

A senior living community in Murray has been without hot water for at least six days.
“We just kept being told it will be on tomorrow, it will on tomorrow. Then every day that goes by, it’s a week and a day and it’s still not on,” said the relative of a resident speaking to Fox 13 News on the condition of anonymity. Olympus Ranch is at 971 East 5600 South in Murray. The company that manages the property is called Holiday Retirement. In a letter to Fox 13 News, the company says they started having problems with the boilers on Thursday. Residents claim the hot water went out on Tuesday. Holiday Retirement says facility managers immediately contacted a plumber but they plumber failed to return to finish repairs, writing in part: “When the community was unable to reach the plumber on Saturday, they reached out to a second plumber to expedite repairs.” The Salt Lake County Health Department reports it received two complaints on Monday. Two inspectors were sent, one reviewing food services compliance and the other housing. The food service inspection indicated the dishwasher was heating sufficiently to sanitize dishes, but noted a need for a temporary hand washing station. The housing inspection notes indicate repairs are underway.

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Candidate #3: ADULTS?

Police are calling on parents to “grow up” after a fight broke out at a Little League baseball game near Denver, Colorado. Parents and coaches were unhappy with a call made by the 13-year-old umpire during Saturday’s game, according to the Lakewood Police Department. They then stormed the field and began punching each other as the 7-year-old players looked on. “We were disgusted, quite frankly,” Lakewood Police spokesman John Romero told HLN on Wednesday. “Baseball and 7-year-old kids, it’s the parents that need to grow up here. That’s the saddest part.” The police department said several people have already been cited for disorderly conduct. Multiple injuries have been reported and one person had a serious bodily injury, according to police.

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