ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: THAT’LL KEEP HER OUT
Jordan James Berghout was charged with aggravated arson, for burning down his own trailer because he was having second thoughts about his girlfriend moving in. via KSL
Boner Candidate #2: RECTUM NOTHING COULD HAVE KILLED HIM
A man in India went into the doctor with a can of aerosolized deodorant in his rectum. via Gizmodo
Boner Candidate #3: BECAUSE THE GRADUATION CEREMONY IS SACRED
Canyon View High School student decorated their graduation cap in things that showed her Native American heritage and the school made her remove it. via Fox 13 Now
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: DUMB WOMAN JUMPED INTO THE MONKEY CAGE
Lucy Rae, a litigation assistant at a law firm in Texas, was fired after a video of her jumping into the Monkey Habitat at an El Paso Zoo surfaced. via The Hill
Boner Candidate #2: WELL, OKAY THEN
A recent poll shows that about 53% of Republican’s still believe that Donald Trump is still the true president of the United States. via Fox 13 Now
Boner Candidate #3: THE MANSON SNOT ROCKET
Marylin Manson has a warrant out for his arrest in New Hampshire for allegedly shooting a “snot rocket” at a female cameraperson during a concert. via People