Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for May 3rd, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: POOP FOR POLITICIANS

Politics can stink. That was the message delivered by a traveler to airport inspectors in Alaska who found moose nuggets inside his carry-on bag. KTOO Public Media reports the man told agents he collects the droppings and likes to present it “for politicians and their bleep policies.” TSA spokeswoman Lisa Farbstein says the discovery didn’t warrant writing a report and the man was sent on his way with the poop. It’s not known if it was the same person, but a man was seen passing out baggies of moose nuggets at the Capitol on the same day as a protest against the governor’s proposed budget.

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Candidate #2: WAIT A MINUTE…THAT’S NOT A SNICKERS BAR

A Florida man has been sentenced to a year in prison for his part in a reptile smuggling ring that stretched from South Carolina to Hong Kong. The State reports Matthew Harrison Kail was sentenced Tuesday for the scheme that involved hiding rare turtles in candy wrappers or socks and shipping them overseas. Prosecutors said Kail was a key part of the operation, which was led in South Carolina by Steven Verren Baker. Baker, of Georgia, was ordered in March to serve just over a year in prison. Authorities have said Baker’s one of South Carolina’s most well-known wildlife traders. The newspaper says these are believed to be the state’s first prison sentences for illegal wildlife trading. Several other people in the scheme have been sentenced to probation and fines.

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Candidate #3: LET’S APPLAUD SOMEONE WHO WAS TRYING TO LIVE THE DREAM.

In Utah, it’s illegal to live inside a liquor store — so you can shelve that dream — and employees are forbidden from drinking the alcoholic products during business hours.
But that was the scenario that liquor enforcement officers encountered April 4 when they stepped into the state-contracted liquor store in Richmond, about 13 miles north of Logan. To make matters worse, the employee — the store manager and the son of the operator — sold liquor to a minor.
The State Bureau of Investigation “cited the employee,” who has since been let go. But on Tuesday, the Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control commission also decided to shut down the northern Utah package agency beginning May 14 and seek new operators. “The concern is that this seems to be an issue that has continued for some time,” Deputy Director Cade Meier told the commission. “We feel it’s negligence on the part of the management.”

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Round 2

Candidate #1: THIS WILL SOBER HIM UP

Pasco County deputies say a New Port Richey woman slapped her husband and stabbed his bed to “shock” him and “sober him up.” Deputies say Amber Lynnee Grace, 39, got into an argument with her husband and slapped him in the face. The victim told deputies he walked away from Grace and went to his bedroom while she stayed on the couch. According to an arrest report, the victim told deputies he woke up and saw Grace standing over him with a kitchen knife raised above her head. Deputies say they believe Grace then stabbed the bed near the pillow where her husband’s head was.

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Candidate #2: WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? JUST TAKE TURNS

Renting can be an absolute nightmare. There are huge deposits to cobble together at a moment’s notice. There are grim, damp flats, nightmare landlords and blood-sucking letting agents. Then there’s this advert, which is in a whole league of its own. We all know the competition to secure rented accommodation can be fierce – no matter what condition the flat or house is in – but one property seems to have taken it to the next level. In an ad, an Australian landlord advertises his flat, which costs costs £66. We’re guessing that’s per week, but who knows – especially when you consider what one of the stipulations is. As well as the house rules being cosily scrawled all over the walls, the landlord states that the flat is for two people. Confoundingly, there’s just one single bed though.

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Candidate #3: I HAVE A HUNGRY BABY AND NO MONEY.

A man wearing a blue bonnet and a long dress with flowers on it is accused of stealing $450 worth of baby formula from a Cape Coral Publix.  A witness told police she saw a black man in his 50s wearing a bonnet, a dress, a black jacket and white sneakers ride around a Publix on Santa Barbra Boulevard on a motorized cart on security cameras. The complainant said the man was seen putting 28 Enfamil Formula cans under his dress. He then left the store without paying. According to Cape Coral police, this is the same possible suspect from other instances in North Fort Myers, Fort Myers, Naples and Punta Gorda.

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