Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for October 22nd, 2019

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: HAPPY HELLOWEEN

The guy who made his own Noah’s Ark is back with a plan to mess up Halloween. Along with checking Halloween candy for choking hazards and other concerns, parents might want to inspect for something else: propaganda. Creationist Ken Ham, who runs a Noah’s Ark-themed attraction in Kentucky, is encouraging his followers to hand out a Halloween “gift” that’s more trick than treat. “One way you can make the most of this once-a-year opportunity is by giving gospel tracts to children and/or their parents, along with candy and treats,” he wrote on his website. Ham suggests giving away the items he sells, including fake “million-dollar” bills with pictures of things like a T-Rex or Noah’s Ark on the front and warnings of eternal damnation on the back. Read More

Boner Candidate #2: OH, YOU’LL SELL.

A Salt Lake City man who refused to take no for an answer when a woman declined his lowball offer to buy her house faces multiple charges after he claimed the property as his own. In charges filed last week, prosecutors wrote that police first were called to the house at 737 E. Roosevelt Ave. on Aug. 30 when someone reported a “belligerent person” was inside and was taking things without the owner’s permission. The officer told the man not to reenter or make modifications to the house. The next day, police were called again and found tools and an open window at the house; prosecutors wrote that the same man admitted he had opened the window, that he did not have permission to be there and that he had previously been warned by police. He was given another warning. On Sept. 11, police again were called to the home when a neighbor reported a possible burglary. Again they found the man on the property, prosecutors wrote. He admitted he had cut down trees, shrubs and bushes; removed a refrigerator from the house; and installed new deadbolts, police wrote. According to police, items had been removed from the home. The man told police he’d written to the homeowner offering $90,000 for the house — “an amount which is not reasonable for that area and that market,” prosecutors wrote. According to Salt Lake County assessor’s records, the market value of the home is more than $363,000.  Read More

Boner Candidate #3: HE’S AN EX INVESTMENT BANKER YOU SAY.

An ex-investment banker in the Southern portion of Florida was fired from his job for lewd behavior, coming to work intoxicated and selling cocaine out of the bathroom at work. To get back at his boss, the Florida man emptied an entire septic tank in his boss’s swimming pool. “When I got home from work, I smelled something so rank I almost puked,” the boss of the ex-investment banker stated. “I looked outside in the backyard and saw the guy I recently fired standing outside of my pool looking like a proud honor student. Then I realized he filled my entire pool with turds and pee.” The boss of the ex-investment banker immediately called the police. “I didn’t even approach the guy. I locked my doors and called the police.” When the police arrived on scene the Florida man jumped into the turd filled swimming pool and told the police to come get him if they want him so bad. Read More

ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: WHERE ARE THE NOISY DUTCH CHILDREN SUPPOSED TO GO THEN?

A primary school playground in the Netherlands has been ordered to close due to its children being too noisy. De Buut primary school in Nijmegen has been given until the end of the month to ban pupils from the field or face a €10,000 (£9,000) fine. Local residents complained that the children were exceeding a 70-decibel limit on residential areas. Officials commissioned a noise measurement, which put their noise level at 88 decibels. The decision has faced a backlash, with more than 4,000 people signing a petition calling on the council overturn the decision to close the 40-year-old playground. “It’s a bizarre situation, and it is absolutely unfair to the children,” Janneke Colsen, the director of the primary school, told the de Volkskrant newspaper. “Especially now we’re constantly being told that children have to go outside and exercise more.” Repeated efforts to appease local residents – including moving music lessons inside – had already been made, Ms Colsen added. Banners have been pinned around the playground, including one that reads: “Orange Lionesses must also start somewhere”, in reference to the Dutch women’s football team who were runners up in the recent World Cup.  Read More

Boner Candidate #2: WOMEN WHO WORK HERE NEED TO BEHAVE NICELY AROUND MEN.

When women speak, they shouldn’t be shrill. Clothing must flatter, but short skirts are a no-no. After all, “sexuality scrambles the mind.” Women should look healthy and fit, with a “good haircut” and “manicured nails.” These were just a few pieces of advice that around 30 female executives at Ernst & Young received at a training held in the accounting giant’s gleaming new office in Hoboken, New Jersey, in June 2018. The 55-page presentation, used during the day-and-a-half seminar on leadership and empowerment, was given to HuffPost by an attendee who was appalled by its contents. Full of out-of-touch advice, the presentation focused on how women need to fix themselves to fit into a male-dominated workplace. The training, called Power-Presence-Purpose or PPP, took place during the height of the Me Too movement when sexual misconduct accusations dominated the news. In response, large businesses, including EY, shored up their sexual harassment policies and training. A few companies banned forced arbitration over allegations of sex discrimination and assault. Some men were fired.  Read More

Boner Candidate #3: YOUR CHILD IS DIRTY

A mother was horrified last week after waking up and finding a strange woman trying to give her 2-year-old son a bath. “I’ve never heard of anything like this,” Areica Hill, of Columbus, told NBC4. Hill said she woke up to the sound of her dog barking and went to see what was happening. “I get up and I walk to my door and the way my house is set up, I can look down the hall,” Hill said. “I see a white female lady, bent over the tub, with my 2-year-old in the tub.” Hill and the home intruder, identified as Elizabeth Hixon, 22, briefly scuffled and Hill’s boyfriend held Hixon in place until police arrived. Hixon was arrested and charged with burglary and has posted bond. Her mother told NBC4 that Hixon had good intentions and meant no harm. Hill intends to keep an eye on the case. “I would like to see other charges filed against her,” she said. Read More


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