ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: SEMEN SYRINGE
Maryland man, Thomas Stemen stabbed a woman with a syringe filled with semen. He’s since been sentenced to 10 years in prison.
Boner Candidate #2: I NEEDED THE MEAT. I THOUGHT I WAS IN THE COUNTRY.
Utah legislature Rep. Travis Seegmiller, was spotted shooting and killing a dear in the middle of a neighborhood. Seegmiller defended himself by saying that he thought he was ‘in the country.’
Boner Candidate #3: AND THERE’S POO ALL OVER THE HIGHWAY WEST OF THE AIRPORT
A truck carrying human waste spilled it’s cargo after being cut off by another car on I-80. A hazmat crew was called to clean up the mess.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: I’M TOO HOT TO HAVE FRIENDS
A model on OnlyFans claimed that, she was so pretty that she had no need for friends. She also said that she’d steal their husbands because she’s so hot.
Boner Candidate #2: RAINY DAY TWERKING
A Florida man was tased by an officer because he was twerking in the rain, outside of his car in front of traffic. Before being tased he told the officer “What are you scared of? I got knives, you got a gun!,”
Boner Candidate #3: WELL, SHOULD BUSINESSES WHO DON’T PROTECT THEIR EMPLOYEES FROM COVID BE LIABLE FOR SICKNESS AND DEATH?
Utah senator Sen. Kirk Cullimore, has introduced legislation which would allow employees to sue their employers for being ‘forced’ into a vaccination.
