ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: CUDDLE SCUTTLE CAUSES CHAOS.
An argument between a couple about cuddling resulted in domestic battery from Kiesel Anthony.
Boner Candidate #2: IF YOU’RE GONNA DRINK BEAR URINE, YOU GOTTA BOIL IT FIRST.
A woman is being accused of starting the Fawn Fire in Shasta County after she was attempting to boil bear urine to be drinkable.
Boner Candidate #3: THE POOR THING; SHE’S JUST NOT THAT BRIGHT.
To the surprise of no one, Lauren Boebert made another anti-vaccine tweet. This time saying: “I woke up with a headache this morning. I took some Tylenol. Now if everyone else could take some Tylenol too so mine would start working, that would be great,”
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: I JUST HATE PEOPLE SOMETIMES.
Methodist University in North Carolina indefinitely suspended a sorority for a racist PowerPoint presentation making fun of black college football players.
Boner Candidate #2: AND THERE’S A SHORTAGE OF BUS DRIVERS
An Alpine School District bus driver has been removed due to his political rants over the intercom, and controversial signs featuring homophobic statements like: “Children do best when raised by a mother AND a father.”
Boner Candidate #3: MOST CROOKS ARE JUST NOT THAT BRIGHT
After investigating a lost phone case, Springville Utah police discovered $40,000 in drugs, $53,000 in cash and an assault rifle.
