Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day (Round 1 and 2) February 27th, 2019

Round 1

Boner Candidate #1: YOU DON’T NEED THAT STUFF…I’VE GOT THE CURE

A California herbalist whose young patient died of diabetes complications was sentenced for urging the child to forgo his insulin, officials said. Timothy Morrow, 84, was ordered Monday to serve four months in Los Angeles county jail after he was convicted of practicing medicine without a license, news station KTLA reported. Morrow — who founded the company Common Sense Herbs — also must pay a $5,000 restitution to the 13-year-old victim’s family and cover funeral expenses. Prosecutors said Morrow started treating the boy in 2014 after his mom attended one of his herb seminars. Morrow advised the family to stop giving the boy, who was diagnosed with Type-1 diabetes, the insulin his doctor prescribed. His parents claimed Morrow told them to rub lavender oil on the boy’s spine and use other herbs.

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Boner Candidate #2: YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MIGHT NEED THAT STUFF.

In addition to the dumped bodily fluids that took five hours to clear, the couple have tackled rooms with every available inch covered with filth and dealt with one ‘tiny’ flat that generated four tonnes of rubbish. Other pictures that make their horror gallery include a garden area piled high with dozens of bin bags, a heavily-soiled mattress and a toilet totally coated in filth. They were also called to do a clean at one home where they found more than 30,000 used needles. Leanne, 48, a former teacher from Callington, Cornwall, said: ‘We had to empty a flat of rubbish and bodily fluids. ‘There were 270 50ml bottles of urine and 400 bags of poo. There were 70 bottles of urine in the airing cupboard as well as poo in the bath.’

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Boner Candidate #3: WE NEED A MODEST DRESS NOW. NOT TOMORROW. NOW

Two people shopping for a dress face felony charges, including making a terroristic threat, after allegedly becoming upset when they were told they’d have to make an appointment. Ivy C. Allen Grant, 22, and Ashley Eden Ayers, 31, both of West Jordan, were charged Tuesday in 3rd District Court with aggravated burglary, a first-degree felony. Grant was also charged with making a terroristic threat, a third-degree felony. On Feb. 18, Grant and Ayers, along with their mother, went into LatterDayBride, 360 W. 300 South, to find a dress for their mother. The business specializes in modest dresses for weddings, proms, missions and everyday use. But the group was told they would not be able to buy a dress without first making an appointment, according to charging documents. The mother became upset and shoved the employee who gave them the news, the charges state.

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Round 2

Boner Candidate #1: I’LL BUY ALL THE COOKIES

A Good Samaritan who bought a trove of cookies from shivering Girl Scouts on Friday evening was arrested Tuesday on federal drug charges, according to the Drug Enforcement Administration. Detric Lee McGowan was charged with conspiracy to import and distribute fentanyl, heroin and cocaine. He was also charged with racketeering and conspiracy to defraud the United States. Tuesday’s charges are unrelated to McGowan’s generosity on Friday, when he bought an entire stock of cookies from Girl Scouts in front of a Greenville, S.C., grocery store so the girls wouldn’t have to continue standing in the cold. “Nobody was hurt. Nobody was threatened,” Karen Kelly, a vice president of the local Girl Scouts chapter, said in an interview with the Greenville News. “We had no reason to believe that this man was anything other than one of our valuable customers. … This is now in the hands of law enforcement and of course we will cooperate with authorities.”

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Boner Candidate #2: AT LEAST THEY WERE CLEAN INTRUDERS

“The first thing that hits me is the smell. Sewer mixed with vomit mixed with B.O. mixed with dirty feet. Yeah, it made my eyes water,” Kari Halen told KTXL. The smell hit Halen in the downstairs portion of her home a few weeks ago when she went to check on a noise. That’s when she says she came across a “very large, 6-foot plus man, 200 pounds, naked with my towel wrapped around him.” The intruder was not alone. Halen and her partner Glenn also found a naked woman using their shower. Halen says the two unwelcome guests helped themselves to the oven and electric heater as well.

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Boner Candidate #3: WE’RE LOOKING FOR AN 800 YEAR OLD HEAD? YOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

An 800-year-old mummy, believed to be the remains of a Crusader, has been decapitated by vandals at a church in Ireland. Thieves broke into the crypt at St. Michan’s Church in Dublin and vandalized the burial site before making off with the head, the Church of Ireland said. The mummy is thought to be a soldier who fought in the Crusades, a series of eight expeditions sanctioned by the Church between the 11th and 13th centuries, which resulted in a religious war between Christians and Muslims. Intruders turned the body over while removing its head, and also desecrated the 400-year-old remains of a nun, according to the Church.

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