If you can’t afford healthcare, worry not, says “Duck Dynasty” star Phil Robertson: The Almighty is currently offering a premium “eternal” healthcare plan for free. In an interview with Fox Business on Tuesday, the former reality TV star said God’s healthcare plan also comes with some rather promising perks, including being raised from the dead.

A Kansas judge blamed a pair of child sex abuse victims for being “more an aggressor” as he meted out a lenient sentence to a 67-year-old man that was below state guidelines. Leavenworth County District Judge Michael Gibbens recently made the remark while sentencing Raymond Soden to five years and 10 months in prison for paying for sex with two girls, ages 13 and 14, whom he found on the internet, according to the Kansas City Star.

An Australian fisherman sparked outrage online when he posted a clip of himself using a dead baby bull shark as a bong — and says he quit social media because of death threats. “I just want to say thanks to the bunch of sooks who have complained to the point of the police visiting. Honestly, I quit,” the fisherman, Billy Brislane, said in a now-deleted Facebook post.

A 73-year-old Colorado woman who claimed her healthy kidneys were removed by doctors died eight months following the surgery, according to reports.Linda Woolley was taking the steps to get on the nation’s kidney transplant waiting list when she died Friday from cardiac arrest, news station KDVR reported.

An Ohio child sex case fugitive in a “Father of the Year” T-shirt has been captured in Florida, officials said Tuesday. Clarence Sheese, 50, was found living in Fleming Island after a tip, the Clay County Sheriff’s Office in Florida said. He was arrested Monday on a fugitive from justice charge.