Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for December 15, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: I GUESS THAT DOING THIS WILL PROVE WHAT? THAT YOUR SCHOOL IS SUPERIOR? YOUR TEAM IS BETTER? COME ON. WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE. ENOUGH!

A Missouri school district is apologizing for “unsportsmanlike” and “insensitive” behavior by white students during a basketball game against a rival team with black players. In a clip circulating online, the white students from Warrensburg High School are seen turning their backs as the black students on the Center High School team are introduced before the game Monday night.

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Boner Candidate #2: I MEAN SERIOUSLY, COME ON. I’M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO STOP DOING THE BONERS IF THIS KEEPS UP.

The Arkansas NAACP and several residents are calling for the resignation of a school board member in eastern Arkansas after photos surfaced of him at a Halloween party in blackface while holding a sign referring to the Black Lives Matter movement. NAACP members and others demanded Ted Bonner’s resignation Monday during a Blevins School Board meeting. But the board’s president, Justice West, said there was no mechanism for removing Bonner, who has refused to resign and has two years left on his term. Bonner, who is white, was at the meeting. When asked why he dressed in blackface with overalls and fake crooked teeth, he did not address the question.

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Boner Candidate #3: HEY. THAT’S LIFE IN THE FAST LANE, BABY.

The phrase “when you gotta go” doesn’t apply to endangering other drivers. That’s what sheriff’s officials say happened when Matthew Donnelly stopped his car in the fast lane of I-75 to urinate. Around 6:45 p.m. Monday, sheriff’s deputies were notified that a mint green Nissan Altima was reportedly involved in a hit and run around the 29 mile point on southbound I-75. A vehicle matching that description was found near mile point 14. The car was stopped in the fast lane with the driver’s side door open. When deputies arrived, a man was standing outside the car and urinating.

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Boner Candidate #4: THIS MANNEQUIN GAVE IT’S LIFE TO MAKE A POINT

This Facebook stunt was dead on arrival. A misguided attempt to promote road safety near schools by posting on Facebook an image of what appears to be the body of a girl — covered by a yellow jacket — was met with revulsion in England. “It is with deep regret that I have to inform you that this morning a little girl was involved in an RTA (road traffic accident) outside a Leics school,” the Facebook post read, the Sun of the UK reported. The posting, uploaded to the “Spotted” page of a Leicester neighborhood, described how the girl had forgotten her lunchbox and was run over when she ran to try to catch her dad.

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Boner Candidate #5: SEEMS TO ME HE’S OVER QUALIFIED FOR THE POSITION.

Charged with drunken driving, the chairman of the Prince George’s County liquor license board will step down from his role as chairman after being asked to do so by Maryland Governor Larry Hogan, the governor’s office said. Charles Caldwell III agreed to step down, Shareese DeLeaver Churchill, a spokeswoman for the governor, said Tuesday evening. “Under these circumstances, the governor does not have the authority to remove Mr. Caldwell from the board. However, the governor is very concerned and disappointed in this situation and has asked Mr. Caldwell to step down from his role as chairman, which he has agreed to do,” she said in a statement.

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Boner Candidate #6: THE SANTA TRUTHER

At first, the parents try to ignore the screaming man at the mall telling their children they’ve been lied to about Santa Claus. Then it becomes clear he’s not going to stop. “Kids, I want to tell you today that there is no such thing as Santa Claus,” the man tells people waiting in line for Christmas photos at the Westgate Mall in Amarillo, Texas. “Santa Claus does not exist. The Christmas season is about Jesus. “The man you’re going to see today is just a man in a suit dressed up like Santa.” The shouting man is David Grisham, an evangelical street preacher from Anchorage, Alaska, who has shouted his sermons at people across the country for nearly a decade, whether they want to hear them or not.

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