Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for November 16th, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: MORE SPORTS CULTURE BUILDING CHARACTER.

Bwog recently received screenshots of a Class of 2017 Wrestling Team GroupMe. The screenshots, which contain messages spanning from 2014 to a few days ago, are troubling—the men in the group message mock women’s appearances, make jokes about rape, use homophobic and racist slurs, and engage in other distasteful interactions. After requesting a statement from the University, we have learned that an investigation has since been launched, and that the Wrestling team will no longer be competing at their meet this weekend. The messages show a lack of respect for women—even those with whom they interact regularly. In the screenshots we received, the wrestlers sent each other numerous photos of female Columbia students and mocked their appearances.

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Boner Candidate #2: THIS HORN BLOWER IS A BONER FOR HIS MUG SHOT ALONE

A California man was busted for sounding off all over town. Equipped with an air horn, John Nuggent had been terrorizing residents of El Segundo, California, in the middle of the night for six weeks, according to cops. Nuggent, would drive around the area, blaring the loud horn, to the dismay of sleeping residents. He would then take off in his car before cops could trace the source of the nuisance. “The sound is like a train coming through the neighborhood,” El Segundo Police Lt. Ray Garcia told NBC News.

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Boner Candidate #3: WE KINDA FORGOT HE WAS DOWN THERE

Authorities said a 14-year-old boy weighing about 55 pounds is fighting for his life after spending much of two years locked in the basement of his Alabama home. Al.com quotes Shelby County authorities as saying that the child is in critical condition at an area hospital. Court records show that his parents, Richard and Cynthia Kelly, have been charged with aggravated child abuse. Bond for each is set at $1 million. The investigation began Sunday when Helena police were notified of the boy’s arrival at the hospital. According to arrest warrants, the couple is accused of denying food, nourishment and medical care to the boy, who was “subjected to forced isolation for extended periods of time.” The boy suffered from chronic malnourishment and shock according to the arrest warrant.

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Boner Candidate #4: RACIST DATING ADVICE

The Southern Methodist University in Dallas is the latest college campus to be hitwith racist propaganda, this time in the form of fliers warning white women not to date black men.  Two of the fliers were discovered in stairwells in a residence hall on Sunday, according to SMU’s newspaper “The Daily Campus.” Among some of the offensive messages in the flier included claims that black men are “much more likely to have STDs” and that “your kids probably wouldn’t be smart.”  An “alt-right” logo is printed in the bottom right corner of the flier.

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Boner Candidate #5: PORN CAUSES MISCARRIAGES

A Christian pastor in Minnesota offered advice to a grieving husband whose wife suffered a miscarriage, suggesting his “struggle with lust and pornography” somehow contributed to the couples’ loss. “I doubt that any of us has ever overestimated the danger of failing to fight lust,” Pastor John Piper—founder of desiringgod.org—said on his podcast last month. “And I am glad that our anonymous questioner has called it sin and is feeling bad about it.”

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Boner Candidate #6: BEN, BEN, WHY DIDN’T YOU THINK OF THAT WHEN YOU WERE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?

Ben Carson — who wanted to be commander in chief — turned down any role in a Trump Administration because “he has no government experience,” a close adviser said Tuesday. “Dr. Carson feels he has no government experience, he’s never run a federal agency. The last thing he would want to do was take a position that could cripple the presidency,” Armstrong Williams, Carson’s manager and longtime pal, told The Hill. “Dr. Carson was never offered a specific position, but everything was open to him,” he said.

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