Boner of the Day

Boner Preview Candidates for November 29, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: AFTER A BEATING YOU MUST BE BEAUTIFUL AND CARRY ON

The smiling woman on the daily Moroccan television show spoke to viewers as if it were any other makeup tutorial, comparing brands and hues of face foundation and demonstrating how to apply it. Seated next to her was a woman with what appeared to be a black eye and bruises on her cheekbones. “After the beating, this part is still sensitive, so don’t press,” the host said in Arabic as she applied makeup on the woman’s face, eventually concealing the woman’s bruises. “Make sure to use loose powder to fix the makeup so if you have to work throughout the day, the bruises don’t show,” she said.

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Boner Candidate #2: AS USUAL, INSURANCE TO THE RESCUE.

A Wisconsin man is living with a life-altering condition that’s become debilitating, and without the financial means to get a procedure he desperately needs. Keith Crowell developed “keloids” on his skin about 12 years ago, according to WITI. Keloids are described as a scar composed primarily of collagen. “I had a bad reaction when I went to a barber and he gave me shave and nicked me on both sides,” Crowell said. The nicks didn’t heal. Instead, mounds of skin grew on his face and neck. “It can be devastating. Sometimes I feel real bad,” Crowell said.

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Boner Candidate #3: STAY OUT OF OUR HOOKER STING

Six police officers in Detroit are being accused of acting like they were straight out of “Super Bad.” Cops who thought three teens were interfering with a prostitution sting posted a picture of one of the handcuffed boys online, drove them in unmarked cars at “reckless speeds” on residential streets and dumped them off in an unsafe area before ordering them to walk home, a lawsuit claims. The suit, filed on Nov. 18 in federal court in Detroit, alleges a “blatant abuse of authority” on behalf of the officers on Aug. 26, when Hassan Abdallah and Ibrahim Bazzi, both 17, picked up their friend Ali Chami, 18, after his shift at the Coney Island restaurant in Detroit. As the three were about to leave, Hassan spotted a relative pull into a nearby CVS and waved to the man, who drove over and greeted the teens.

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Boner Candidate #4: SO, CAN A BROTHER BUY SOME SLICED CHEESE OR WHAT?

A quick drugstore run turned into an outlandishly offensive scenario when two black men asked a CVS employee if they sold sliced cheese. Ricky Berry and his roommate, Philip Blackwell, walked into the store in Carytown, Virginia looking for cheese. When the two asked an employee if the store had any, she told them that the store didn’t. Moments later, the two employees present disappeared. Berry and Blackwell were looking for the staff members with another customer for more than 30 minutes, then the cops showed up, WRIC reported on November 23. “All I asked for was sliced cheese,” Berry told the local outlet.

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Boner Candidate #5: YEAH, YOU COULD SAY THEY GOT OFF TO A BAD START.

Saturday night started out with hope and promise for a Walker County woman, but ended abruptly when her date was stopped by lawmen, pushed her from the car and then led deputies on a chase. A Jefferson County sheriff’s deputy just after 8 p.m. on Saturday stopped a Mazda at I-22 and Cherry Avenue, with a male and female inside. The driver – later identified as 22-year-old Jesse Allen Elliot of Hayden – told the deputy that he did not have his license with him but offered a name and date of birth. The deputy returned to his patrol unit to verify the information he was given. It was at that moment, said Chief Deputy Randy Christian, that the woman was pushed from the car and Elliot took off. The deputy pursued the car into Walker County but called off the chase because Elliot was driving erratically and causing danger to other motorists.

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Boner Candidate #6: I’M DOING SOME DEEP WATER FISHING. THE GUY YOU WANT WENT THAT-A-WAY.

A 29-year-old Daytona Beach man was arrested Saturday evening after trying to rob a Family Dollar store in Deltona, the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office said. With a shirt wrapped around his head, Sean Torres walked into the store at Doyle and Braddock roads shortly after 8:30 p.m. and demanded money from the store clerk, Sheriff’s Office spokesman Andrew Gant said. When the clerk denied Torres’ demands, he threatened to shoot the employee and reached into the back of his shorts as if he had a gun, but then he ran away without any money, Gant said. Someone in a Sheriff’s Office helicopter spotted Torres at the edge of a nearby pond. He was then seen wading through the water. As they closed in on Torres, deputies said the man submerged himself except for his face. “Torres tried explaining that he was ‘just fishing’ and that his fishing pole was in the water,” Gant said. “Of the attempted robbery, he claimed ‘the guy who did it went that way.'”

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