Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for November 8th, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: HE WAS PROUD OF THE KILL

A St. Louis mother is demanding answers after a photo surfaced that appears to depict the scene of her son’s death. Her attorney calls the photo: “hideous.” On August 8, 2016, Kim Staton’s son, 28-year-old Omar Rahman, was found dead in a home in Pine Lawn. The North County Police Cooperative responded. The Medical Examiner has since ruled it an accidental drug overdose. But Staton says ever since her son’s death, she’s heard little from police.

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Boner Candidate #2: NOT VERY BRIGHT

When there’s smoke, there’s fire. When there’s fire, you should probably get the hell out of there. But if you’re Australian man Kevin Kwok, you might want to get yourself a rather dangerous-looking selfie instead. Just be prepared to get slightly burnt on social media. Kwok was driving to Port Macquarie, located in the northern parts of the state of New South Wales Saturday, when he noticed flames on both sides of the road.

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Boner Candidate #3: I THINK IT UNSCREWS FROM THE LEFT SIDE.

A state trooper has been placed on administrative duty after allegedly ripping out a woman’s nipple piercing after a traffic stop in Texas. Tayler Myers, 18, and Courtney Palacios, 19, were returning home to Fort Worth after a concert in Houston on Oct. 31 when a Texas state trooper pulled them over. The trooper, identified in arrest records as Michael Tice, found a single pill in the vehicle and then placed the teens and two male friends under arrest for drug possession, NBCDFW.com reports. Myers and Palicios, who said they were in the back seat at the time, told Tice that they knew about the pill. They were later booked at the Falls County Jail, where the trooper asked them to remove any piercings from their bodies.

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Boner Candidate #4: I BELIEVE WE’LL HAVE TO MAKE AN EMERGENCY LANDING.

A 34-year-old man who threatened to kill other passengers, including a 3-year-old child, and exposed himself in the cabin, forced a transatlantic flight to make an emergency landing in Jacksonville, officials say. Oliver Charles Halliday Gee, of Playa Del Carmen, Mexico, was on the Nov. 2 flight from Cancun to Frankfurt, Germany, court documents say. Crew members on the Condor Airlines Boeing 767 told the captain they expected Gee to be a “problem passenger,” because he was acting aggressively and demanded to be served alcohol before the plane took off, the FBI said.

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Boner Candidate #5: CURT SCHILLING AT IT AGAIN

Former baseball star Curt Schilling is back in the news for yet another outrageous comment, this time tweeting about how “awesome” it is to lynch journalists.  On Monday, Schilling sent out this tweet showing someone at a Donald Trumpevent, which he has since deleted:

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Boner Candidate #6: BEE-ON-CEE, REALLY?

Undecided voters, do with this information what you will: Donald Trump does not know how to pronounce Beyoncé’s name.  The Republican presidential nominee made the gaffe when he decided to express a distaste for Beyoncé and Jay Z at his rally in Raleigh, North Carolina. Trump dismissed the couple’s recent concert supporting his rival Hillary Clinton, claiming, “I get bigger crowds than they do.”

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