Boner Candidate #1: IT’S A YELLVILLE TRADITION
Six live turkeys were dropped from a small plane as part of a northwestern Arkansas community’s annual tradition, with one of the six apparently dying when it hit the ground. The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette reports that about 400 people attended the Turkey Trot festival Friday in Yellville, which is about 90 miles north of Little Rock. The turkeys initially dropped straight down for a while before most got their bearings and glided to a landing. Festival goers took off after the birds trying to catch them.
Boner Candidate #2: I’M SORRY…NOW LET’S GET BACK TO BUSINESS
A parish president in Louisiana who has admitted sending improper texts to a 17-year-old high school student must “do the right thing” and immediately resign, the parish’s coroner told The Post. Jefferson County Coroner Gerry Cvitanovich is one of three parish officials on Monday to call for the resignation of Parish President Mike Yenni, who admitted in a minute-long commercial on Thursday that he sent “improper texts” to the teenager last year. The married, 40-year-old father said he wouldn’t provide details out of “respect for the rights and privacy” of all parties involved, but the admission just isn’t enough for Yenni to keep his job, according to Cvitanovich.
Boner Candidate #3: THE GENTLEMAN APPEARS TO BE IN SOME DISCOMFORT
This shocking video shows a Chinese man hobbling towards medical attention after a turtle chomped down on his penis and refused to let go. In footage likely to make most men wince, the Chinese softshell turtle is seen with its teeth clamped around the groin area of the man’s trousers. The unlucky man is seen using red rope that is tied around the reptile’s shell to lift it up so he can walk with more ease.
Boner Candidate #4: WAIT YOU GUYS. I THOUGHT THIS WAS A SCOOP.
Billy Bush brazenly bragged to NBC staff about the vulgar Donald Trump tape while covering the Olympics in Rio, multiple sources tell Page Six. Proving the infamous Ryan Lochte interview wasn’t Bush’s only Rio recklessness, the shamed “Today” host boasted at a party in August that he had a “tape of Trump being a real dog,” prompting staffers at “Access Hollywood” to track it down.
Boner Candidate #5: WE ALL WASH OUR DOGS THIS WAY IN CALIFORNIA
An officer said the two dogs were soaking wet and terrified, as Patrick Schultz allegedly sprayed them down with an industrial pressure washer. “I mean, he could have killed the dog,” said resident Ken Surratt. Police said one Chihuahua and a mix breed puppy were in a cage in the back of Schultz’s truck.
Boner Candidate #6: THE CROTCH-GRABBING LEADERS OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY
Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.), a top Donald Trump surrogate, said on Sunday that even if the GOP nominee actually grabbed a woman “by the pussy,” as he bragged about in a leaked tape from 2005, that behavior would not amount to sexual assault. “I don’t characterize that as sexual assault,” Sessions told The Weekly Standard in the spin room after Sunday night’s presidential debate. “I think that’s a stretch. I don’t know what he meant.” “So if you grab a woman by the genitals, that’s not sexual assault?” the reporter asked Sessions.
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