Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for October 13, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: OKAY. YOU GOT ME ON THE DRUGS BUT THE GUN BELONGS TO THE KID.

When police raided a Minnetonka apartment a few weeks ago and found a small amount of heroin, a local man reportedly admitted on the spot that the drugs were his, and authorities took him at his word. But they had a hard time buying the rest of the man’s story. He said the pellet guns they also seized belonged to his 4-year-old son, court filings show.

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Boner Candidate #2: I GOTTA TURN THEM ASSIGNMENTS IN

Police are searching for a burglary suspect who left behind a crowbar, a backpack full of tools and math homework earlier this year at a car dealership in Sugar Land.   The incident happened about 11 a.m. Sept. 4 at Classic Chevrolet at 13115 Southwest Freeway, according to the Sugar Land Police Department. Police said an off-duty officer was working an extra job at the dealership when he heard a noise inside the building. When he investigated, he spotted a man holding a crowbar near the finance office. The man dropped the crowbar when the officer told him to drop it, but then ran away.

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Boner Candidate #3: GIMME BACK MY KID

A Great Falls Police Detective’s Sunday evening walk led to the arrest of Timothy Hanson, after the detective found an infant outside with no shoes or coat on.  The detective was walking down 6th Street and 2nd Avenue South, when he heard the infant crying. While attempting to locate the infant’s family, Hanson, the child’s father, approached the plain clothes detective and ended up punching him in the face. This after the detective announced himself as a police officer. Hanson brought the infant into the apartment complex and the detective continued to tell him that he was a police officer.  Hanson tried to close the door on the detective, but he stopped him.  The detective called for back up after he spotted a gun and knife in the apartment. When the other officer arrived, Hanson took off on foot. The officer tackled Hanson and had to use his taser to gain control.

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Boner Candidate #4: AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THIS. FOR REAL.

A 911 operator is accused of intentionally hanging up on callers during emergencies simply because she was not in the mood to help, according to Houston police. Crenshanda Williams has been charged with interference with an emergency telephone call. Williams had been employed as a telecommunicator with the Houston Emergency Center since July 2014, and supervisors began to notice that her logs revealed an abnormally high amount of “short calls,” with a duration of less than 20 seconds. Supervisors investigated the recorded call logs, and found that thousands of calls had been disconnected by Williams between Oct. 2015 and March 2016.

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Boner Candidate #5: THAT SETTLES IT; I’M A HARVARD MAN.

Yale University officials are apologizing for using racist images of Native Americans on the cover of the program for last weekend’s football game against Dartmouth College. The program was designed for the 100th game between the Ivy League schools on Saturday and featured images of several previous program covers from games between the schools. One from 1944 showed a Yale player setting fire to an American Indian’s clothing. The executive director of Yale’s indigenous performing arts program called the images “dehumanizing.”

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Boner Candidate #6: I AIN’T GOING TO SCHOOL

A 12-year-old Calvert boy was arrested Thursday evening after investigators say his shot his own mother in the back at close range. He told authorities that he shot her because he “didn’t want to go to school.” While most of his classmates spent Friday afternoon at a pep rally at McIntosh High School, the 12-year-old spent his day at the Washington County courthouse. Authorities say he shot his mother at their home in Calvert Thursday around 5 p.m. He was just two feet away from her when pulled the trigger, officials claimed. His mother barely survived the attack.

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