Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for October 19, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: I HAVE A BIG FAMILY THAT NEEDS TO WORK

Mayor Cherie Wood of South Salt Lake used her veto power to drop the ax on an anti-nepotism ordinance passed by the city council on Oct. 12. The ordinance passed 6 votes to 1. Councilwoman Debbie Snow said after complaints that the mayor’s relatives were getting jobs and special treatment at the city, the council decided to deal with the issue to restore public trust in city government. Wood said in a memo to the council that she vetoed the rule because it may be in violation of state code. She also defended the hiring of relatives. “The ordinance assumes that one kind of relationship – the familial relationship – is unacceptable in the workplace,” she wrote in the memo.

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Boner Candidate #2: HEY. ANYBODY LOSE A GUN?

A letter was sent home to parents Thursday after a student found a security guard’s loaded gun unattended in the men’s restroom at Ringgold High School in Washington County, district officials said. Superintendent Karen Polkabla said the student immediately reported the discovery of the loaded gun to a teacher. The teacher contacted Executive Officer Colleen Spahr, who put the weapon in the security office safe. Polkabla said it was determined that the weapon belonged to another security officer within the district. She said measures are being taken to ensure no similar incidents happen, and commended the student.

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Boner Candidate #3: AN OUTRAGEOUS SMEAR OF DONALD TRUMP

Chelsea Ferguson was arrested Monday after she allegedly peanut-buttered a whole lot of cars. As protests go, this one was nutty. A woman in Amherst Junction, Wisconsin, has been charged with disorderly conduct after she allegedly spread peanut butter on 30 cars that she believed belonged to Donald Trump supporters. Turns out the cars actually belonged to members of the Tomorrow River Conservation Club.

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Boner Candidate #4: HERE’S A REAL TIP FOR YOU.

What a couple left as a tip for a South Carolina food server angered her friends so much that they posted it to Facebook. Neither the server nor her friends wanted WYFF News 4 to reveal their names or where they work out of fear for their jobs, but they did want us to share “the tip.” The tip was not left in the form of cash. Instead, it was a note, hand-written on a napkin. One of the friends took a picture of the note.

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Boner Candidate #5: MY BAD BEHAVIOR WAS ALL THE KID’S FAULT

A teacher who has confessed to sleeping with a pupil “hundreds of times” claims he seduced her. Mary Beth Haglin, 24, told Dr Phil in a new interview: “I am the victim.” The brunette has admitted having sex with the 17-year-old almost every day for six months and sending him raunchy selfies.

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Boner Candidate #6: HIS CAMOUFLAGE WAS INEFFECTIVE

A California man spray painted his face black “in an effort to camouflage himself” and evade police, a Madera Police Department spokesman told ABC News today. But the “camouflage was ineffective,” the spokesman said. The suspect, Jose Espinoza, 23, was arrested on Saturday night facing charges of possession of stolen property and theft of a vehicle, the spokesman said. Espinoza fled the first time police arrived at his house, but he was successfully apprehended when he later returned to his home and was allegedly seen with black spray paint on his face, the spokesman said.

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