Boners

Boner Preview Candidates for October 24, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: NOT REALIZE THE DEAL WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE?

A Wyoming man who arranged to pay a prostitute with a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder and French fries was arrested when he showed up for the illicit encounter, food in hand, only to discover that he had been snared in a police sting. As part of an undercover operation, cops in Casper placed a Backpage.com ad in the guise of a hooker trolling for clients.

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Boner Candidate #2: BUT I DON’T HAVE A CHILD.

While a woman spent part of the workday at a shopping center purchasing supplies, Suffolk, Virginia police notified Jasmine Turner on Thursday that there was a child locked in Turner’s car on a hot afternoon. This stemmed from a 911 call from a concerned citizen who believed there was a child stuck in Turner’s backseat. Temperatures in Suffolk reached the mid 80s on Thursday, prompting the concern.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE PAPER OF RECORD, HUH?

Presenting probably the most embarrassing newspaper correction in the history of newspaper corrections, courtesy of a New York Times review of the new TV show Goliath: “An earlier version of this review included an inaccurate discussion of the show’s plot structure. The critic mistakenly watched the first two episodes out of order.” When Mike Hale’s review of Billy Bob Thornton’s new Amazon Prime show was published last week, he knocked it for a “needlessly complicated structure,” a first episode that left “so much unanswered,” and a second episode that “jumps back in time,” the Independent reports.

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Boner Candidate #4: DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE THE BABY.

A Middletown mother faces charges after police say she struck a man with a metal folding chair during an argument over the parenting of their 3-month-old child. Krystal Hull, 25, of Russell Court, was arrested after police responded to the home at about 2 a.m. on Oct. 18.

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Boner Candidate #5: HE HADN’T MEASURED HIMSELF PROPERLY

A Thai man was taken to hospital to have a sex toy removed with boltcutters after it got stuck on his penis. He was using the device at home but was left in agony when he could not detach it from his manhood. He called the emergency services who sent an ambulance to take him to the nearest hospital in Bangkok, Thailand. Eye-watering pictures show medics using 2ft-long boltcutters and a hacksaw to cut off the small penis ring on Wednesday night.

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Boner Candidate #6: THIS IS THE REHAB PLACE, RIGHT?

A mother was arrested for child neglect after a hotel employee discovered she wasn’t feeding her child, according to the Orange County Sheriff’s Office arrest report. The Intown Suites employee called police on Thursday after Amanda Owen, 29, came to the office asking why she had not been fed yet and looking for food for her child, according to the Orange County arrest report. Owen thought she was in a rehabilitation center and the hotel employee was her counselor, the employee told deputies.

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