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Boner Preview Candidates for September 4, 2015

Boner Preview Candidate #1: HOW ABOUT SOME PELVIC FLOOR WORK?

Police say an unlicensed massage therapist groped several clients and claimed some of his intrusive techniques would allow him to diagnose whether they had cancer, leading to his arrest Wednesday. Richard Dwaileebe, 45, of Layton, was booked into Weber County Jail for investigation of forcible sexual abuse, performing medicine without a license, and performing massage therapy without a license. A Weber County woman filed a complaint against Dwaileebe in June, and five other women have since come forward, Weber County Sheriff’s Lt. Lane Findlay said. Police believe there are “numerous” other victims, Findlay said. “We really believe Mr. Dwaileebe was a con artist,” he said. “He manipulated people, was able to establish trust with them, and then took advantage of them.”

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: PREYING ON THE WEAK AMONG US.

A 66-year-old man was duct-taped to his wheelchair while two armed men stole nearly everything in his home, police said Wednesday.”The two guys were in there for like over an hour, rummaging and ransacking his stuff, and they pretty much cleaned him out,” said South Salt Lake police detective Gary Keller. The incident happened about 1 a.m. Monday at Dwight Hahn’s apartment in the 3400 South block of 200 East. Hahn typically keeps his front door open or ajar to cool off his apartment, Keller said. He has lived in the apartment for more than 20 years. Early Monday, two men wearing hoodies, baseball caps, gloves and armed with handguns entered Hahn’s apartment, pistol-whipped him, then taped his hands together. They then taped Hahn, who has only one leg, to his wheelchair, Keller said.

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: FORGIVE ME FOR KNOWING HOW THINGS ARE PRONOUNCED

An Arizona news anchor defended her pronunciation of Spanish words during English broadcasts, saying she delivers them the way the language is intended to be spoken. In a broadcast on Monday, Vanessa Ruiz, who works for 12 News here, waded into the running debate over the use of Spanish that has divided Americans in different ways for years, and has been percolating on the campaign trail. Ms. Ruiz, who was raised in a bilingual household, said some viewers had questioned her way of pronouncing Spanish words. Sandra Kotzambasis, the station’s news director, said viewers were asking why Ms. Ruiz “rolled her Rs.” In the broadcast, Ms. Ruiz said, “Some of you have noticed that I pronounce a couple of things maybe a little bit differently than what you are used to, and I get that, and maybe even tonight you saw a little bit of it.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: YES. WE SCREWED UP

A London sexual health centre mistakenly leaked the details of nearly 800 patients who have attended HIV clinics, bosses have admitted. The 56 Dean Street clinic in Soho sent out the names and email addresses of 780 people when a newsletter was issued to clinic patients. Patients were supposed to be blind-copied into the email but instead details were sent as a group email. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt said the breach was “completely unacceptable”. Speaking at a conference in Manchester, Mr Hunt said patients needed to feel confident the NHS would look after their personal data. He said: “The truth is that we will throw this all away if we lose the public’s trust in our ability to look after their personal data securely. “If we are going to win that trust we need to strengthen the independent oversight of data security within the NHS to a level that we don’t have at the moment.”

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: YO MAN GIIMME BACK MY CHIPS

A routine snack-snatching turned violent on Tuesday when a Detroit man confronted a potato chip thief and was shot in the groin, WXYZ reports. Authorities say the 59-year-old victim was walking outside a McDonald’s when a stranger grabbed a bag of potato chips out of his hands. The Detroit News reports the man then told the suspect, “Yo, man, give me back my chips,” and took the chips back. “The suspect produced a weapon, shot him and fled the scene,” a police spokesperson told WWJ-TV. The victim was subsequently taken to a nearby hospital, where he’s listed in stable condition. He is reportedly expected to recover. According to police, the gunman escaped with the potato chips.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: PRINCE AND BEYONCE ARE AS DANGEROUS AS THE CONFEDERATE FLAG

In the wake of the racially-charged shooting massacre in Charleston, South Carolina, many have called on a ban of the Confederate flag. Several retailer including Walmart have obliged, pulling Confederate-themed merchandise from their shelves. Not surprisingly, FOX News host, conservative pundit, and Ryan Adams hater Sean Hannity has taken issue with these stores’ decision. His rational? They’re still selling records from BeyoncĂ©, Jay Z, and other “racist, misogynist, sexist” artists. “Some retailers — Sears, Walmart, Amazon, eBay and the rest of the retailers in the last 24 hours — have announced that they intend to discontinue sales of the Confederate flag,” Hannity said during a segment on his daily radio show Thursday. “Now I have a question: Can you still buy a Jay Z CD at Walmart? Does the music department at Sears have any Ludacris albums? Can I download 50 Cent on Amazon? Can I do that? Can I get some Snoop Dogg albums on eBay? Because a lot of the music by those artists is chock-full of the ‘N word,’ by the way and the ‘B-word,’ and the ‘H-word,’ and racist, misogynist, sexist anti-woman slurs none of those retail executives would be caught dead using.”

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