Boners

Boner Preview for December 19, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: THIS IS NOT YOUR PRESENT.

A New York couple was horrified when a UPS delivery that they thought was a Christmas present turned out to be an assault rifle. Newsday reports that Joel Berman opened the keyboard-sized case in front of his wife and 6-year-old granddaughter Wednesday night in Oceanside, on Long Island. Instead of a toy plane they were buying for their friend’s son, they found a semi-automatic rifle, scope, stand, ammo clip and copies of an Arizona man’s driver’s license and concealed-weapons permit. They hustled their granddaughter out of the room and called police, who picked up the weapon.

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Boner Candidate #2: BOY, I’M AFRAID YOU GOT YOUR PANTS ON JUST A BIT WRONG.

A 28-year-old Florida man was arrested after he tried to break into a home wearing nothing but his pants on his arms. Police say Dennis Carballo-Rios faces charges of exposure of sexual organs, criminal mischief and burglary of an occupied residence. Carballo-Rios is accused in the Tuesday morning attempted entry of a home in Dunnellon, in central Florida.

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Boner Candidate #3: 75 BUCKS? FOR 31 YEARS? DOESN’T SEEM FAIR DOES IT?

When Lawrence McKinney walked out of a Tennessee prison in 2009 after 31 years of wrongful incarceration, McKinney was given $75 for his time after DNA evidence exonerated him of rape and burglary.  According to a CBS News report, McKinney is hoping Gov. Bill Haslam can help make up for 31 years of not being able to earn an income. According to CBS, McKinney has worked odd jobs at a church to help make ends meet.  While McKinney is eligible for up to $1 million in compensation under Tennessee law, a parole board has twice denied his request for additional compensation.

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Boner Candidate #4: LET THIS BE A LESSON TO ANYONE WITH A LIFE SIZE MANNEQUIN IN THEIR CAR.

Police in upstate New York broke into a parked car to rescue what looked like an unresponsive elderly woman, who passersby feared had frozen to death. But after smashing the window of the Subaru in Hudson around 8:30 a.m. on Friday, officers were relieved to find the “woman” was actually just an “extremely realistic” life-sized mannequin, reports the Albany Times Union. The vehicle’s owner later returned and revealed he is a sales manager for a medical training aid manufacturer, and that the oxygen mask-wearing mannequin he’d strapped into the passenger seat is a CPR training device.

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Boner Candidate #5: WHITEFISH IS LOUSY WITH JEWS.

White supremacist Richard Spencer is part of a movement which has been emboldened in the wake of Donald Trump A white supremacist website has endangered people’s lives by posting contact details and photos of Jewish residents in a small Montana town – where the mother of white supremacist Richard Spencer lives – and has urged readers to “take action”. The Daily Stormer, a racist website that describes Jews as a “people without shame”, cites a Daily Mail article which alleges that Sherry Spencer was considering selling her business in Whitefish, as she claimed she was suffering backlash against her son’s views. Richard Spencer is a member of white supremacist think tank the National Policy Institute, which coined the term alt-right.

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Boner Candidate #6: VIDEO? WHAT VIDEO?

Alex Jones suggested last month on his radio show that “something’s being covered up” at the restaurant that’s been falsely accused in the “pizzagate” conspiracy theory and “it needs to be investigated.” Days later an Alex Jones listener attempted to “self-investigate” Comet Ping Pong and ended up firing his gun inside the restaurant. After the shooting — and after media began reporting that the shooter is a fan of Jones — Jones deleted the YouTube video.

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