Boners

Boner Preview for February 8th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: THE MONEY? I THINK IT MAY BE IN THE GARBAGE.

Employees at the Bank Leumi in Tel Aviv, Israel accidentally threw away a packet with 50,000 Euros in cash on Thursday. The monumental mistake was discovered only after the garbage truck had left the compound. In a last minute realization, the bank employees reported the mistake to Hiriya waste dump management and on Friday morning, Hiriya workers began sifting through the garbage. After several long, nerve-wrecking minutes, they found the lost treasure, worth over $53,000. “We received a report in the morning claiming a large amount of money was in the garbage, and indeed we showed everyone that garbage can turn into money,” said Doron Sapir, chairman of the recycling site in a phone conversation with Ynet.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE NEED TO CRACK DOWN ON THOSE WHO WOULD WALK UNDER THE INFLUENCE.

Police in Namibia’s capital are cracking down on a somewhat unlikely group, reports the BBC, following road accidents that are blamed not only on intoxicated motorists but on tipsy pedestrians. Police spokesman Edmund Khoaseb tells the Namibian that people who survive a run-in with car will be given a Breathalyzer test. He said most accidents happen on the weekend, when “the victims will be coming from bars and under the influence of alcohol, which makes it difficult for them to fully concentrate on the road,” Khoaseb says.

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Boner Candidate #3: FREEDOM OF INFORMATION…EVENTUALLY

As tech-savvy government efforts like 18F and the USDS take technological strides forward, other parts of the government are abandoning modern technology altogether. Starting next month, the FBI will no longer accept Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) requests by email. In lieu of its popular email service, the FBI suggests sending a fax or snail mail, a procedural change that has more to do with obstructing the law than a dearth of resources. As the Daily Dot‘s Dell Cameron reports, the FBI will allow a small portion of FOIA requests via a new web portal, but the filer must first provide a phone number, mailing address and other personal details as well as signing off on the following terms of service agreement.

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Boner Candidate #4: I THINK I’M GOING TO GET IN A WRECK

A terrified 9-year-old girl pleaded with her “drunk” father to pull over while telling a police dispatcher she was riding with him in a harrowing 911 call released by authorities in Georgia. “Hello, is this 911? … The only person that’s here is my dad and he’s drunk,” the girl told the police dispatcher during a 17-minute call on Sunday. “Help me, please! Help me!” The girl, who was riding in the car with her father, Wesley Charles Burgner, 36, and her little sister, was traveling from Atlanta to Burgner’s parents’ home in St. Simons in late January, Fox8.com reported. “I don’t know where we’re going. He’s driving really fast,” the girl told police. “I think I’m going to get into a wreck.”

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Boner Candidate #5: WOMEN SHOULD SPEND SUNDAYS BRINGING THEIR HUSBANDS BREAKFAST IN BED.

Two North Dakota Representatives have some pretty outdated ideas for how women should be spending their Sunday mornings.  In their defense of North Dakota’s “Blue Laws” ― which require some businesses to open late on Sunday mornings and some businesses to stay closed altogether  ― Representatives Bernie Satrom and Vernon Laning seemed to express that Sunday mornings should be spent time traveling back to the norms of the 1950s rather than running errands. According to Satrom, women should spend their Sunday mornings bringing their husbands breakfast in bed.  Satrom said that Sundays should be devoted to “spending time with your wife, your husband…Making him breakfast, bringing it to him in bed and then after that go take your kids for a walk.”

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Boner Candidate #6: YOU MUST SELL THAT GUN NO MATTER WHAT

He was a customer who wanted to buy a gun. She was a store manager who balked, finding the man erratic, threatening and potentially dangerous. Their tense interaction at a Big 5 Sporting Goods store in Downey prompted police to step in. After company officials overruled her and released a weapon to the customer, Delilah Rios resigned. In a lawsuit filed this week, she alleged wrongful termination and violation of labor laws, among other claims. “She feared for her safety and felt that money meant more to Big 5 Corporation than public safety or employee safety,” according to the lawsuit. “She felt she could not work at a company where she would be forced to release firearms to people who should not have guns.”

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