Boners

Boner Preview for January 13th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: THEY WONT FIND ME HERE BECAUSE OF THE SMELL

A man wanted in an attempted armed robbery was found hiding in one of the most unlikely places: a corral full of cow manure. Joshua Campbell and Jessica Savory, of Nephi, allegedly tried to rob a Subway in Payson from the drive-thru window Tuesday, said Payson Police Lt. Bill Wright. Employees refused to comply, and the pair drove off in a stolen SUV and went southbound on I-15. A witness gave police the license plate number and officers located the vehicle as the pair drove to Mona. The individuals pulled over near a farm, got out of the vehicle and attempted to run from police, Wright said. Savory was quickly arrested, but Campbell tried to hide in a place where he may have hoped the smell would keep police away.

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Boner Candidate #2: LISTEN COPPER CHECK-OUT TIME ISN’T UNTIL ELEVEN

A couple who police say told them they were going to continue using methamphetamine until it was time to check out of their motel room were charged Thursday with firing multiple shots at police from that room. John Rockne Mendenhall, 47, of Draper, and Shelby Irina McDougal, 21, of Taylorsville, are charged with 16 counts of illegal discharge of a firearm, a third-degree felony. Just after midnight on Jan. 9, an officer responded to a 911 hangup call made from a room at the Rodeway Inn, 616 S. 200 West. But when the officer arrived at the room, Mendenhall and McDougal refused to come out or open the door, according to police, and told the officer to leave. When the officer attempted to force the hotel door open, “the defendants fired at least two gunshots,” according to the charges filed in 3rd District Court.

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Boner Candidate #3: TAKE A HINT LADY; STAY OUT OF SWITZERLAND

A vocal vegan in Switzerland seems to have voiced her discontent with certain Swiss traditions too many times. Nancy Holten was born in the Netherlands but has lived in Switzerland since she was 8; she’d like to gain Swiss citizenship, which her children have, but despite meeting all legal requirements, her application was denied a second time in November. It seems the residents of Gipf-Oberfrick who had input on Holten’s application didn’t want to give her what one local frames as the “present” of Swiss citizenship “if she annoys us and doesn’t respect our traditions”—which she has apparently done. The 42-year-old has campaigned against cowbells, which she says are too loud and heavy to be humanely draped on cows.

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Boner Candidate #4: THEM KIDS WAS JUST PLAYIN WITH THE TAPE.

Charges were filed Thursday after a Ramsey officer pulled over a minivan carrying a woman in labor and seven children — some with packing tape over their mouths.

The officer also found two other adults inside the minivan, which was stolen in Missouri, and a gun under the seat. Deszion Marquese Wraggs, 26, who was identified as the father of the children, was charged with felony auto theft and child neglect, a gross misdemeanor, according to a criminal complaint in Anoka County District Court. On Thursday the investigation continued into what Ramsey Police Chief Jeff Katers described as a “bizarre” case. Besides the Ramsey Police Department, Anoka County Child Protection is also investigating. It unfolded just after midnight when the officer spotted the minivan swerving and making illegal turns in the area of Xkimo Street and St. Francis Boulevard NW. A strong odor of burned marijuana was coming from the vehicle when the officer spoke with the female driver, who was going into labor. The woman, who is believed to be the mother of the seven children, was taken to a hospital, Katers said.

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Boner Candidate #5: SHE IS NO LONGER MY FRIEND.

Brian and Jennifer Butler will never forget their wedding day ― though they’d probably like to. That because Amanda Willis, Jennifer’s Maid of Honor, took away the focus from the bride after getting arrested for numerous charges including larceny, battery, grand theft of a motor vehicle, and violation of probation. The Butlers, of Charlotte County, Florida, say that Willis behaved herself during their wedding. It was during the cake ceremony and first dance that she allegedly turned into a Maid of Dishonor. The bride told WBBH TV that she saw Willis drink an entire bottle of Fireball by herself.

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Boner Candidate #6: IT’S THE SECRET OF HOW WE GET THE BREAD FOR OUR SANDWICHES TO BE SO SOFT AND CHEWY

Some former workers at a Florida Jimmy John’s are getting a taste of unemployment after filming a video showing them jumping rope with bread dough. The video which was posted on SnapChat shows the employees of a Jacksonville Jimmy John’s franchise literally playing with their food, including using the dough as a jump rope, First Coast News reported Monday.  The raw video, seem below, shows the raw dough hitting the ground multiple times. Like bread dough itself, the video is getting a rise out of some people who’ve seen the video.  Latisha Ware, who was getting coffee near the sandwich stop where the video was reportedly filmed, was repulsed by what she saw. “That’s disgusting. That’s pretty gross,” she told local station WJXT. “I can only imagine what the health inspector is going to do to them.”

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