Boner of the Day

Boner Preview for January 3, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: SAVE A LITTLE MONEY AND LET IT LOAD UP.

There are few things as stressful and frustrating as having a rotten landlord . Yet it’s an all-too familiar scenario which, if you’ve been lucky enough to dodge, then someone you know will have experienced. There are many ways in which a landlord can be a rotter (as can a tenant, to be fair). But one has definitely raised the bar with his bizarre policy towards going to the toilet. Basically, he’s somehow managed to monetise FLUSHING the loo. The tenant said it costs the equivalent of more than 50p to flush the toilet each time, and the cost and inconvenience is steadily getting worse. After all, you can’t exactly leave these things to fester.

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Boner Candidate #2: THIS IS NOT AGEISM; YOU SIR, ARE A PERVERT.

A 37-year-old man claims he was banned from a Starbucks after he asked a 16-year-old barista out to dinner, KREM reports. Now, the man is accusing the Spokane, Wash., shop of ageism. The man (whom the station opted not to identify) writes on Facebook that he scribbled a note to the the teen last week asking her to dinner. “I was flirted with by a barista. For some reason she thought I was funny,” he writes, adding he knew he she was of legal dating age. When he went back the next day, he says a police officer told him to leave. The move drew hoots of approval on the shop’s Facebook page from people who called the man a “creep” and worse. “Sick, depraved and a danger to the well being of our children, his belief is nothing short of pedophilia,” one woman writes.

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Boner Candidate #3: JUST GIVER HER BACK HER FATHER’S GUITAR ASS CLOWN.

Frances Bean Cobain is fighting to get her ex to return her late father’s Kurt Cobain’s priceless guitar. The 24-year-old has been trying to get the instrument back from her estranged husband, Isaiah Silva, 31, since they split in March 2016. Now the battle is heading for a multi-million dollar court battle, reports PageSix on Monday.  It’s the guitar which her late father played in Nirvana’s seminal 1993 MTV Unplugged concert. Silva, a musician in the band the Eeries, claims Frances Bean gifted him the guitar as a wedding present when they secretly married in 2014. The Martin D-18E, with the bridge flipped so that Kurt could play it left-handed, was once insured for $1 million, but experts say it is now likely worth several times that amount reports the publication. It’s believed to be the last one Kurt played before his death. Frances Bean was not yet two-years-old when he father committed suicide in 1994, and denies she gave the guitar away as a gift. Courtney Love has said: ‘It’s not [Silva’s]. It’s a treasured heirloom of the family. It’s not his to take,’ reports PageSix. Previously, they reported that Love’s manager allegedly sent a string of threatening messages to Silva’s ex-girlfriend in an attempt to get him to hand the historic guitar over. However, after months of negotiation, they report that Silva is still holding out and – according to Frances Bean’s side – is taking ‘extreme and unsupportable positions’ on the disagreement. ‘He is forcing the matter to litigation,’ they report as having been told. Meanwhile, sources close to the struggle say it ended in a deadlock, and Frances Bean is ready to take the matter in front of a judge. An insider told them: ‘In September, a judge ordered Frances Bean to pay Silva $15,000 a month in spousal support as part of an interim settlement while they worked out the guitar issue through mediation.’

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Boner Candidate #4: OH TODD, TODD, TODD.

Utah’s most prominent anti-porn lawmaker wants to give people the ability to sue pornographers in an attempt to prove that watching their product causes emotional and psychological damage. It is one of two related bills being drafted by state Sen. Todd Weiler, R-Woods Cross, who received national attention for leading the 2016 resolution declaring a public health crisis caused by pornography, a first in the United States. Weiler is working on a second bill that he says would close a loophole requiring public libraries to filter out pornography on wireless internet connections, not just wired connections. He not only wants to limit access to sexually explicit material to children and teens, but he believes pornographers should be held liable for the impacts their products have on adults.

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Boner Candidate #5: WE ARE ALL POWERFUL AND UNTOUCHABLE, SO GET USED TO IT.

House Republicans, overriding their top leaders, voted on Monday to significantly curtail the power of an independent ethics office set up in 2008 in the aftermath of corruption scandals that sent three members of Congress to jail. The move to effectively kill the Office of Congressional Ethics was not made public until late Monday, when Representative Robert W. Goodlatte, Republican of Virginia and chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, announced that the House Republican Conference had approved the change. There was no advance notice or debate on the measure. The surprising vote came on the eve of the start of a new session of Congress, where emboldened Republicans are ready to push an ambitious agenda on everything from health care to infrastructure, issues that will be the subject of intense lobbying from corporate interests. The House Republicans’ move would take away both power and independence from an investigative body, and give lawmakers more control over internal inquiries. It also came on the eve of a historic shift in power in Washington, where Republicans control both houses of Congress and where a wealthy businessman with myriad potential conflicts of interest is preparing to move into the White House.

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Boner Candidate #6: PERHAPS YOU COULD JUST QUIETLY DECLINE THE OFFER

A woman has been taken into custody after allegedly stabbing a transgender black man in his face when he offered his seat Sunday night on the subway, only to have her say, “I don’t want to sit next to black people.”According to PIX11, Stephanie Pazmino, 30, was taken into custody and charged with assault as a hate crime, reckless endangerment and criminal possession of a weapon after assaulting Ijan DaVonte Jarrett. According to Jarrett, he offered his seat to Pazmino who refused before turning to her companion and saying in Spanish that she didn’t want to sit next to a black person. “I got up anyway and said to her that she didn’t have to sit next to me,” Jarrett,told the New York Daily News. “I took a seat across from her and just forgot all about it.” According to Jarret, the woman attacked him by punching him as attempted to get off at his stop, and that he didn’t know he had been stabbed until bystanders stepped in to help. In addition to being slashed in the face by Pazmino, Jarrett was also stabbed in his left arm. The police recovered the two inch knife Pazmino used to stab Jarrett when she was arrested in the street. Jarret was taken to a local hospital and was listed in stable condition.


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