Boners

Boner Preview for January 30th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: JUST TAKING A REST BRO.

A Florida couple were arrested after they apparently overdosed in their car on Wednesday while two babies sat in car seats. William Ballard, 36, and Delaney Crissinger, 32, were captured slumped over in the Chevrolet SUV’s front seat in shocking footage taken by a customer at a gas station in Sarasota, Florida. They both were charged with child neglect. Witnesses called 911 after they noticed the couple unconscious and surrounded by drugs, while a 5-month-old and 18-month-old were in the parked vehicle’s backseat, the Bradenton Herald reported. According to police, they arrived at the scene to find the couple still asleep, with a syringe next to a container of baby formula at Crissinger’s feet.

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Boner Candidate #2: BECAUSE I SMOKE IT. DON’T I LOOK LIKE IT?

When Horace Brown was asked why he tried to hit Martin County Sheriff’s deputies with his car Tuesday, he said he didn’t know authorities were arresting him. “I didn’t know that was the police. I had no intentions of hitting them,” Brown told reporters as he was escorted into the sheriff’s office Thursday afternoon. “I didn’t try to hit him. I didn’t know that was police. Where I’m from you get robbed by white men too. It ain’t no color in robbery.” Brown, 23, was released from Lawnwood Regional Medical Center in Fort Pierce and taken into custody Thursday. He still had two bullets inside him after doctors decided not to remove them, a sheriff’s spokeswoman said. Brown was shot once in the back shoulder and once in the neck, spokeswoman Christine Weiss said. “I feel terrible,” Brown said in a video provided by the sheriff’s office.

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Boner Candidate #3: EXCUSE ME, SHERIFF, I’D LIKE TO CHECK IF THIS TRUCK WAS STOLEN BY ANYONE.

A woman is in jail after she reportedly stole a truck in Jonesboro, drove it to the Sebastian County Sheriff’s Office and asked if it was reported stolen, according to an arrest report. Adriana Salas, 26, was arrested late Tuesday (Jan. 24) on suspicion of felony theft by receiving of more than $5,000, according to the Sheriff’s Office. The arrest report states Salas showed up at the Sheriff’s Office and asked dispatchers if the truck she was driving was stolen. A deputy arrived to speak with Salas, ran the truck information in a crime database and found it was reported stolen out of Jonesboro, according to the report. The deputy read Salas her Miranda Rights and asked how she obtained the truck. Salas explained to the deputy she stayed in Jonesboro for a week with a friend. The two got into a fight and she stole his truck and headed to Fort Smith, the report states.

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Boner Candidate #4: BUT YOUR CHILDREN ARE DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS.

This principal gets a “D” for deception. During the last two visits by the district superintendent for a “quality review,” Rachelle Legions, the leader of PS 106 in Far Rockaway, Queens, rounded up six to eight of the most disruptive students and hid them in a trailer in the schoolyard, insiders told The Post. Children in several grades who frequently scream, fight and throw things were allegedly stashed out of sight and earshot while District 27 Superintendent Mary Barton toured classrooms to evaluate the troubled school — now on a state watch list because of rock-bottom test scores.

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Boner Candidate #5: I HAVE CALLED BECAUSE I AM DRUNK WHICH I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE

A man drunk-dialled Brandon police on Thursday and was arrested for an outstanding warrant. (Riley Laychuk/CBC) A man with a warrant out for his arrest drunk-dialled police, snitching on himself. The man from Dauphin, Man., called 911 on Thursday “for no apparent reason other than he was intoxicated,” Brandon police said in a release.  When officers responded to the call, they found the man had an outstanding warrant for his arrest, with conditions that he not drink alcohol. The 37-year-old man was arrested.

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Boner Candidate #6: THE DEER WAS SPEEDING NOT ME

A Massachusetts man fighting a speeding ticket in court had a unique explanation — the officer’s radar gun may have picked up a deer. The Newburyport Daily News reports that Dennis Sayers, of Haverhill, was clocked going 40 mph in 30 mph zone in West Newbury in November. He got a $105 ticket. He appealed in court on Thursday, asking Officer Royster Johnson if he was 100 percent sure his radar captured Sayers’ speed or the speed of a deer that could have been in the vicinity. When confronted by the skeptical judge, Sayers replied that anything was possible.

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