Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for December 5th, 2018

ROUND ONE:

BONER CANDIDATE #1: JOURNALISTS DISAPPEAR ALL THE TIME. CHRIS STEWART MAKES US PROUD.

During an interview with CNN’s Brianna Keilar on Tuesday, Rep. Chris Stewart (R-UT) defended President Donald Trump’s decision to stand by Saudi Arabia despite overwhelming evidence that Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman was behind the murder of U.S.-based journalist Jamal Khashoggi. Admitting that it’s possible MBS ordered the killing, Stewart, who serves on the House Intelligence Committee, said, “We have to have to have a relationship with some players that we don’t agree with. Journalists disappear all over the country. 20 journalists have been killed in Mexico. You don’t think it happens in Turkey and China? Of course it does. And yet we have to have a relationship with these individuals, or with these countries.” The comments echoed those made by Trump, who told reporters last month, “I’m not going to destroy the world economy and I’m not going to destroy the economy for our country by being foolish with Saudi Arabia.” Earlier on Tuesday, Republican senators who attended a classified briefing from CIA Director Gina Haspel on Khashoggi’s killing emerged more confident than ever that MBS was guilty. “No question in my mind. I had almost no question before. I have no question whatsoever now,” Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN) said, “that the crown prince directed the murder and was kept apprised of the situation all the way through.”

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: MS. EASTON’S TEACHING METHODS ARE KIND OF WEIRD

A New Mexico teacher lost her job after she allegedly called one Native American student a “bloody Indian” and clipped another’s braid, officials said. The Albuquerque Public School District fired Cibola High School teacher Mary Jane Eastin on Nov. 30, KOB reported. She had been placed on paid leave while the district conducted an investigation. The alleged incident occurred during a language arts class on Halloween. Eastin, who was dressed as the 19th-century voodoo queen Marie Laveau for the holiday, asked student MacKenzie Johnson, “Now what are you supposed to be? A bloody Indian?” MacKenzie, who is Navajo, told KRQE. Johnson was dressed in a Little Red Riding Hood costume and had a bloody paw mark on her face, her mother, Shannon Johnson, told the Albuquerque Journal. The teacher didn’t stop there, MacKenzie said. She told Teen Vogue that Eastin questioned them about a Marie Laveau documentary after showing it to the class. If students got a question correct, she gave them a piece of candy. If they got it wrong, she gave them dog food, which some of the students reportedly ate. At one point, Eastin allegedly approached another Native American student, who wasn’t named, and snipped off the tip of her braid. “My heart stopped, my eyes were huge and … you could hear the whole class gasp,” Mackenzie said. “I didn’t even know if it was real. She’s not even supposed to touch a student, and she cut off [my friend’s] hair … and sprinkled it on the desk.”

BONER CANDIDATE #3: I LOVE MY TESLA

A California public official who barreled down a highway asleep at the wheel was saved by quick-thinking cops — and possibly the Autopilot function of his pricey Tesla. Alexander Samek, chair of the Los Altos Planning Commission, was doing 70 mph on Silicon Valley’s Highway 101 after drunkenly conking out in his electric-powered car around 3:30 a.m. Friday, police said. When California state highway cops pulled up next to Samek, they noticed he’d dozed off and tried toget his attention, Officer Art Montiel told The Post. But the 45-year-old was so zonked he continued speeding along for seven miles, they said. Cops maneuvered their patrol car in front of Samek’s Tesla, tailed by another cop car to keep other drivers away. Samek’s vehicle slowed and eventually stopped in a lane on the highway. He was safe — and happily still snoozing away, according to Montiel, who noted the driver was “unresponsive.” They pounded on the window to rouse him. He woke up and they took him to a gas station, where Samek failed a breathalyzer and was charged with drunken driving. Video footage of his arrest shows Samek, who also works as a real estate developer, chuckling as officers interrogate him.

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ROUND TWO:

BONER CANDIDATE #1: SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE NO ONE HAS A WORKING BRAIN

Dozens of police offices rushed to a South Carolina elementary school Tuesday after 911 dispatchers heard gunshots and someone pulled an alarm reporting a shooting on campus. But it turns out the gunfire was actually blanks being fired as part of a historical re-enactment, deputies and officials at Delmae Heights Elementary School in Florence said. “No one in that school told us they were doing any type of re-enactment,” Florence County Chief Deputy Glen Kirby said over his cellphone with an edge to his voice about an hour after the initial reports of gunfire. The first 911 call came from someone at an apartment complex next to the school around 9 a.m. Tuesday. The dispatcher could hear what sounded like gunfire on the other end, Kirby said. At about the same time, someone pulled an alarm to report a shooting inside the school in Florence, Kirby said. “We got that alarm from inside the school and we sent everybody — deputies, Highway Patrol, Florence police,” Kirby said. Dozens of officers raced to the school along with parents. No one was shot or hurt, Kirby said.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: I THOUGHT MY CORNFLAKES TASTED FUNNY

A Tennessee man faces up to three years in prison for urinating on a Kellogg’s cereal conveyor belt at a Memphis facility. News outlets report 49-year-old Gregory Stanton pleaded guilty last month to tampering with consumer products. He was indicted by a grand jury in September. Stanton worked for the plant in 2014 and posted a video online in 2016 of him urinating on the conveyor belt. The video led the company to alert law enforcement and launched an investigation that involved the Food & Drug Administration. It’s unclear what prompted Stanton to urinate on the line or to film and share the act. WREG-TV reports the company and workers union were involved in a labor dispute at the time. Stanton is set to be sentenced in February.

BONER CANDIDATE #3: SPORTING EVENTS BRING OUT THE BEST IN ALL OF US.

The Steelers’ loss to the Chargers Sunday night played out even uglier in the stands at Heinz Field. New video and photos show a Steelers fan choking a pregnant Chargers fan during the game. Two men were fighting in the stands when the woman stepped in and was grabbed in the throat by the Steelers fan, a KDKA-TV video showedAccording to the Pittsburgh Current, which originally published photos showing the event, the couple from San Diego said the Steelers fan yelled at them to sit down during the game, which sparked the fight. Daniel Minshew, the husband of the pregnant woman, told the website he planned on calling police officials about filing criminal charges. “We strive to make events at Heinz Field safe for our guests,” the Steelers said in a statement. “This type of behavior seen in the photo is unacceptable and something we do not condone on our property. We are working with Heinz Field security as well as local authorities to gather more information on this particular incident as the Pittsburgh Police determines whether or not to press charges, and we will ensure those involved as the aggressors will not be permitted back into our stadium.” It was a particularly terrible day in the stands, as one Steelers fan also headbutted another.

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