Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for February 20th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: HE HAD A DECK CHAIR EMERGENCY

#OnlyInFlorida is a popular hashtag on Instagram, and it perfectly describes a scene captured on a freeway in Cocoa, Florida. Utah native Troy Sorenson captured the photo of the man on the motorcycle carrying two deck chairs on his back.

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Boner Candidate #2: THIS IS ENTIRELY PROFESSIONAL

There’s a job out there for everyone. Even for those who really like to cuddle. That’s right: people actually get paid to cuddle. It may sound strange, but it’s a growing trend in the mental health community and it’s happening right here in Salt Lake City.

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Boner Candidate #3: THAT LITTLE ROMAN GUY WHO SELLS PIZZA HAS GAYDAR.

Two cousins said they were discriminated against by an employee at a Little Caesars restaurant in Henrico when the word “gay” was printed on their receipt where a customers’ name is typically written.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: AN ANGRY STICK-UP AT LUCKY WANG

A saleswoman at an upscale children’s clothing boutique in Chelsea was punched out by a robber angry she didn’t hand over money from the register fast enough, police sources said on Monday. Surveillance video shows the crook casing Lucky Wang on Seventh Ave. near W. 15th St. shortly before 1 p.m. Sunday, sources said. He then bursts inside, telling the 42-year-old saleswoman, “Open the register!”

Boner Candidate #2: I THINK I COVERED UP THE SKULL AND CROSSBONES PRETTY GOOD

Christopher Finch, 23, originally had a skull and crossbones on his left arm and decided he wanted rid of it. He wanted a grim reaper over the old tattoo, so invited an artist with “20 years experience” into his family home.

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Boner Candidate #3: I WAS DOIN’ A LITTLE TRICK FOR THE CUTE GALS AT MY DAUGHTER’S PARTY

A Texas dad accidentally shot himself Saturday while spinning a gun on his finger at his daughter’s 16th birthday party, police said. The Houston-area man, who was not identified, was being treated at a local hospital for a gunshot wound to his stomach, police told ABC.

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