Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for July 9th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: I’M AN UNINVOLVED JOGGER

Police say a 19-year-old man flipped his car in Madison, Wisconsin, then fled the scene, removed some clothes and pretended to be a jogger unconnected to the wreck. The Wisconsin State Journal reports that the unidentified man made a lane change Tuesday evening at the same time as another car. He overcorrected, hit the shoulder and his car overturned. Police Chief Mike Koval says the suspect fled and removed some clothing. When officers caught up with him, he told them he was an “uninvolved jogger.” Officers ticketed the man for failure to have control, hit and run and operating after revocation. Police say tests showed the man wasn’t impaired.

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Boner Candidate #2: PEE AND BEER WILL DO THE TRICK

The homeless man accused of starting a raging fire in St. George tried to put out the flames by pouring his beer and urinating on the blaze, according to a law enforcement source. Hector Meza, 40, was arrested by fire marshals and charged with fourth-degree arson, reckless endangerment and criminal trespass, stemming from the June 6 incident, the FDNY said in post on social media. Meza allegedly allowed a candle to burn carelessly, igniting combustibles in an alcove in the rear of one of the buildings on Stuyvesant Place, and left the scene without alerting anyone to the fire or calling 911, the FDNY post said.  Meza is homeless, according to an NYPD spokesman. The defendant was scheduled to be arraigned Tuesday, but it was postponed because he is in the hospital, sources said.

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Boner Candidate #3: GOOD BOY GETS A SPLIFF; BAD BOY GETS NONE.

A boy’s caretakers gave him marijuana as a reward for good behavior and took it away from him if he misbehaved, the boy told police. Susan Glascock and Melissa Burton, both 36 and of Greenfield, Ind., face child neglect charges in the case. Glascock also faces a battery charge, WXIN reported. The investigation started on June 25th, when police were called to a home in response to a disturbance. The boy had gotten into a fight with Glascock over the amount of money he and his mother made selling video games at a store, according to court documents. Authorities said Burton–the boy’s mother–and Glascock were shouting at each other when the boy tried to defuse the situation. As a result, he said Glascock pushed him to the ground and lay on him. He managed to get away and punched her before running away, court documents said.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I’M GONNA VOTE FOR, YOU KNOW, WHAT’S HIS NAME.

As Democrat Shireen Ghorbani campaigned Saturday, the people who answered the door at four of the first five houses she approached didn’t know who represents them in the 2nd Congressional District. The one who did know the name of three-term Rep. Chris Stewart followed it up with a cuss word. “It’s interesting how many say, ‘I know it’s not [4th District Rep.] Mia Love, but I don’t know who my representative is,” Ghorbani said. “What I say to them is the fact you don’t know who your representative is his problem, not yours.” A new poll shows that while Stewart leads his race for a fourth term by a comfortable 2-1 margin, one of every three of his voters still doesn’t know enough about his work to rate it.

Boner Candidate #2: WHAT’S MORE AMERICAN THAN VEGAS?

It’s a mistake that’s costing the U.S. Postal Service $3.5 million – the Statue of Liberty Forever stamps released in 2010 didn’t actually show New York’s Lady Liberty. The photograph featured in the stamp design actually shows a Statue of Liberty replica outside the New York-New York casino hotel in Las Vegas. Stamps with the Las Vegas image were in circulation for at least three months before the Postal Service realized the mistake – 3 billion were printed. The Postal Service found the photograph on a stock image site and defended its decision to use it.  “We really like the image and are thrilled that people have noticed in a sense,” a USPS spokesman told CNN in 2011. “It’s something that people really like. If you ask people in Vegas, they’re saying, ‘Hey, That’s great. That’s wonderful.’ It’s certainly injected some excitement into our stamp program.”

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Boner Candidate #3: ORRIN LOVES CHUCK A RAMA

Here’s a screenshot of a recent Orrin Hatch interview:


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