Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for October 22nd, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: THESE GUYS KNOW HOW TO HAVE A BACHELOR PARTY

This unfortunate groom-to-be gave tourists in Benidorm quite an eyeful this morning. The helpless stag was discovered strapped naked to a tree, wearing nothing but a pair of dodgy pink sunglasses. It appears he fell victim to a classic stag do prank involving rolls upon rolls of clingfilm. It was quite the spectacle (Picture: Solarpix) His mates even laid out a hat on the ground so tourists could tip the spectacle. The hungover stag seemed to take things in good spirits as people posed for selfies next him and made sure he kept rehydrated after a boozy night out. He could even be heard shouting it was three euros per photo at one point.

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Boner Candidate #2: YOU ARE WHAT YOUR GENITALS SAY YOU ARE. THAT’S THE LAW!

The Trump administration is considering narrowly defining gender as a biological, immutable condition determined by genitalia at birth, the most drastic move yet in a governmentwide effort to roll back recognition and protections of transgender people under federal civil rights law. A series of decisions by the Obama administration loosened the legal concept of gender in federal programs, including in education and health care, recognizing gender largely as an individual’s choice and not determined by the sex assigned at birth. The policy prompted fights over bathrooms, dormitories, single-sex programs and other arenas where gender was once seen as a simple concept. Conservatives, especially evangelical Christians, were incensed.

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Boner Candidate #3: HE HAD TO PUNCH HER SO HE COULD HANDCUFF HER

A Florida police department faces criticism after one of its officers was filmed punching a 14-year-old girl in her side as she was held to the ground. Video posted to Instagram by a woman identifying herself as the teen’s cousin shows the girl lying face down with two officers holding her when one of them strikes her twice in her side. Her hands appear to be beneath her during the Thursday incident. The Coral Springs Police Department, in a statement posted online Friday, said the officer’s use of force was needed to get the teen to release her clenched fists as she resisted arrest following calls about a juvenile disturbance at a mall.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: HE’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND NEVER WILL BE

Ted Nugent said it’s “sacrilege” that he’s not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and complained that an “ultra leftist liberal CEO driven gang” is keeping him out. The artist behind “Cat Scratch Fever” told the Myglobalmind website last week:  ″Is it or is it not vulgar, dishonest, and obscene that Grand Master Flash, Patti Smith, and ABBA are in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame but Ted ‘Fucking’ Nugent isn’t? Is that the most outrageous and disgusting lie you have ever seen?” But a two-time member of the Hall of Fame said there’s a reason Nugent doesn’t belong in that exclusive club… and it has nothing to do with politics. David Crosby called Nugent a “hack” who “could not write a decent song if his life depended on it.” Fewer than two dozen performers are in the Hall of Fame twice. Crosby was inducted in 1991 as a member of the The Byrds, and again in 1997 with Crosby, Stills and Nash.  He’s gone ofter Nugent before for his complaints over the Hall of Fame.

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Boner Candidate #2: I NEED YOUR PEE.

A Virginia woman is accused of giving her boyfriend’s 10-year-old son an opiate addiction treatment medication so she could use his urine to pass a drug test. The Roanoke Times reports 29-year-old Katie Sowers Hinkley is charged with distributing a Schedule III drug to a minor. Commonwealth’s Attorney Jason Annis and warrants say Hinkley gave the boy Suboxone this month so she could provide his urine at her drug screening. Annis says Hinkley wanted to renew her Suboxone prescription and so needed urine that showed that drug but no illegal substances. A search warrant says the boy became sick and told police Hinkley had him take a pill and pee into a bottle.

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Boner Candidate #3: ROO MEAT IS VERY NUTRICIOUS

A Nebraska public school district says it will not be serving kangaroo meat again after a recent incident that cost a cook his job. Kevin Frei, the former junior/senior high school head cook at Potter-Dix school district, added kangaroo meat to a chili served for lunch on Oct. 10, according to a Wednesday letter from district superintendent Mike Williams. When later confronted about the decision to serve the exotic meat mixed with beef, Frei said he used kangaroo meat for its nutritional value. It’s a very lean meat, Frei told Williams, according to the letter. Williams said in the letter that he doesn’t believe the meat was dangerous and that it was subject to proper government standards. However, the decision to eat exotic meat should be made by families, not schools, he wrote. Williams also wrote that food containing any unusual ingredients should be clearly labeled.

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