Boners

Boner (Round One) for April 12th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: HE WASN’T HOT

A newlywed bride from India murdered her husband by smashing his skull with a rock because he wasn’t handsome enough, according to a report Tuesday. The 22-year-old woman was so irked by her hubby’s average looks, she pummeled him with a grinding stone after an argument at their home in the Cuddalore District in the state of Tamil Nadu on Monday, the report in the Times of India said. The woman, who was not named in the report, started hating her spouse, a wood sculptor in his 20s, after her friends pointed out that he wasn’t hot after their wedding last week, cops told the paper. The bride first told cops her husband had been murdered by someone else but was later arrested for killing him. She appeared in court Tuesday.

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Boner Candidate #2: LOST AND FOUND? DID I LEAVE MY PYTHON THERE?

A worker at a Massachusetts hotel got a slithery surprise while cleaning a room — a 5-foot ball python left in a drawer. The Telegram & Gazette reports that staff at the Marriott Residence Inn in Worcester found the snake last week and called animal control. Animal control took the snake to a pet supply store. General manager Rod Dzivasen says the snake appeared to be in good health. Officials don’t think the snake was in the room for long. Police say the person renting the room and believed to be the snake’s owner had checked out the prior day. It’s unlikely anyone will be charged. The snakes are native to Africa.

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Boner Candidate #3: AND NOW THE PASTOR GETS WHAT HE DESERVES

A jury of three men and nine women found Kenneth Adkins, a controversial anti-gay pastor, guilty on all eight charges in the sexual molestation of a teenage girl and boy at his church seven years ago. The jury took about an hour to deliberate. Adkins showed no emotion as the jury provided the verdict. He will be sentenced April 25. The four-times married man with 10 children had no family present for the verdict nor any day of the week-long trial. Georgia has strict mandatory minimum sentencing laws and because Adkins has a prior record, there’s a possibility he will never be a free man. Adkins is 57.  Adkins’ attorney said once his client is sentenced, he’ll file the paperwork for a new trial. Kevin Gough maintains the state deliberately withheld pertinent evidence that could have drawn into question the mental stability of Adkins’ accuser. That accuser’s mother left the courtroom in tears Monday. She had attended the waning days of the trial, missing her son’s — an Army Specialist from Fort Leavenworth — testimony. Though not wishing to make a formal statement, she said she was relieved that the trial was over and that her son was believed. Throughout the trial Gough tried to poke holes in the state’s case by questioning the motive of male accuser. Gough was stunned by the verdict and how quickly the jury came to the unanimous decision. “You never know what 12 people are going to do,” Gough said. Adkins is a former drug addict who reinvented himself in Jacksonville when he opened up his public relations firm. Many in North Florida saddled up to him in an attempt to curry the black vote. Adkins, for his part, was fairly successful. He said in multiple phone calls to the Times-Union leading up to his trial that he felt a calling to be a preacher. That’s when he landed in Southeast Georgia. It was here that he made an assortment of enemies for failing to make good on financial promises; for his hard-line Republican stances that tended to put him out of sync with other black people; for basically being inflammatory no matter the subject. Jacksonville Mayor Lenny Curry tapped Adkins to be on a panel discussion regarding the possibility of expanding the city’s Human Right Ordinance to include gays, lesbians and transgender people. Adkins told the Times-Union he was picked by multiple pastors to trumpet their anti-gay, anti-expansion stance. He said he was paid for his efforts that included posting lewd and inflamatroy charictures of former Mayor Tommy Hazouri in the restroom. In his one-hour and 20-minute closing statements, Gough on eight ocassions told jurors their dislike for Adkins could not be enough to convict him. “Hypocrisy is not a crime,” Gough said. He was convicted of grooming two teens — youths he was supposed to me mentoring — to have sexual intercourse first in front of him so he could judge if they were doing it properly to eventually joining in on the acts himself. Last week the jury saw two photographs of Adkins’ penis that he sent his male accuser in 2014. And they saw several electronic messages sent between Adkins and the female.

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