Boner Candidate #1: WE WERE JUST TRYING TO GET KITTY HOME.
A Florida couple has been charged with animal cruelty after airport security officials discovered that they had placed their six-month-old cat inside a piece of checked luggage at a Pennsylvania airport, court records show. According to investigators, Olivia Sari and Nicholas Larrison, both 21, had visited Pennsylvania over the holidays and were set to return to their Tampa-area home on January 1. The couple, flying from Erie International Airport, checked a piece of luggage that triggered an alert from the airport’s baggage inspection system. The flagged bag was then opened and searched by Transportation Security Administration agents, who discovered the kitten.
Boner Candidate #2: IF THEY AREN’T WORKING THEY’LL JUST PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND TAKE DRUGS.
Four people have been charged after former members of a North Carolina-based religious group complained that a minister forced children to work in his fish markets for little or no money, authorities said. John McCollum, 67, and three women who worked for him were arrested in December, The Fayetteville Observer reported . Six others were being sought. McCollum faces charges including involuntary servitude of children, the Cumberland County Sheriff’s Office said. Arrest warrants list 16 children and young adults as victims. The sheriff’s office said it believes more were involved. Investigators say McCollum threatened the children with violence or loss of their food if they refused to work.
Boner Candidate #3: I TURNED TO CRIME AFTER PEOPLE KEPT STEALING MY IDENTITY.
Shouldn’t be hard finding this guy. Cops in Houston are on the hunt for an armed robbery suspect who has a tattoo of his Social Security number smack-dab in the center of his forehead. The idiotic ink has even earned the man a new nickname. “They’re calling this guy ‘Social Security’ because he actually has his Social Security (number) tattooed across his forehead,” Houston police investigator Frank Heenan told KPRC. Authorities have been using tattoos to identify suspects for years, but the case of Robert Charles Wooten, 40, may take the cake.
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