Boners

Boner (Round One) for May 2nd, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: SICK PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE LIVED BETTER

Tonight, Alabama Represenative Mo Brooks joined Jake Tapper on CNN to promote “Trumpcare,” the new proposed replacement for the Affordable Care Act. And in so doing, he touted one aspect of the plan in candidly selfish terms: those who are healthy will no longer be burdened by the medical needs of the sick. As the Daily Intelligencer notes, Republicans generally cushion their Randian health care perspectives in euphemisms like “choice” or “patient-centric”—or they emphasize the value of “competition.” Brooks doesn’t bother with that approach. As far as he is concerned, sick folks have f***ed up their own lives, and that’s not his problem.

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Boner Candidate #2: SURF’S UP AND I AM OUT

The captain of a charter boat owned by surfing company Rip Curl abandoned his passengers after the shoddy ship started sinking, leaving them vomiting in the ocean as he roared away on a jet ski with the boat’s masseuse in tow, a new lawsuit claims. “Chaos ensued. The masseuse panicked and jumped onto the Jet Ski with the captain … While passengers boarded the life raft, the masseuse fell from the Jet Ski and landed in the ocean. She could not swim,” reads the dramatic account of the voyage in the suit. The five surf enthusiasts suing the company say in 2015, they paid $30,000 for a two-week boarding vacation off the coast of Indonesia on the boat Quest 1, which was featured in Rip Curl’s iconic “Live the Search” marketing campaigns.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE CIVIL WAR…WHY COULDNT THEY HAVE JUST WORKED THAT OUT?

The U.S. president had a historical question: Why did America’s Civil War happen? “Why could that one not have been worked out?” Remarks by Donald Trump, aired Monday, showed presidential uncertainty about the origin and necessity of the Civil War, a defining event in U.S. history with slavery at its core. Trump also declared that President Andrew Jackson was angry about “what was happening” with regard to the war, which started 16 years after his death, and could have stopped it if still in office. Trump, who has at times shown a shaky grasp of U.S. history, questioned why issues couldn’t have been settled to prevent the war that followed the secession of 11 Southern states from the Union and brought death to more than 600,000 Americans, North and South.

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