Boners

Boner (Round Two) for May 3rd, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: WHAT? I PROMOTED HER TO CAPTAIN, “CAPTAIN BOOBS.”

An internal investigation from the Lee County Sheriff’s Office reveals a deputy called a female deputy “Captain Boobs.” According to the report it the deputy called her by the name in front of a new deputy they were training.  The report says that when Deputy Christopher Patricella entered the room where the trainee and female deputy were, he greeted the female deputy by saying “Hey, Captain Boobs!” She responded by saying, “Excuse me?” When she asked what he was referring to he said, “You know what I’m talking about.” She said she was completely shocked and embarrassed and could feel her entire face and ears turn bright red.

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Boner Candidate #2: SOMEBODY WAKE UP THE LAWYER

A Pittsburgh-area businessman will get a new trial on mortgage fraud charges because his defense attorney was seen sleeping by the judge, witnesses and federal court jurors who convicted him last year. U.S. District Judge Donetta Ambrose ruled Monday that James Nassida was denied a fair trial because Stan Levenson dozed during the October trial. Levenson acknowledges sleeping because he was taking cold medicines that made him drowsy. He moved for a mistrial, but the judge opted to wait for the jury’s verdict first and to let Nassida file an appeal if he was convicted.

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Boner Candidate #3: DAVIS HAD GREAT AFFECTION FOR HIS NEGROS

Schoolchildren who visit the First White House of the Confederacy learn that its famous former resident, President Jefferson Davis, was leader of a “heroic resistance” who was “held by his Negroes in genuine affection as well as highest esteem.” Such ideas, once mainstream Southern thought, have largely been abandoned by historians. But they are still part of the message at this state-supported museum in Alabama’s capital city that hosts thousands of grade-school students from different ethnic backgrounds on field trips every year. Some critics say presenting discredited notions about the Confederacy at the antebellum home where Davis lived in the early months of the Civil War helps perpetuate a skewed version of the past and shouldn’t be supported by Alabama tax dollars.

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