Boner Candidate #1: THE TINY TERRORIST
A California kindergartner was suspended for making “terroristic threats” against his school, officials said. Great Valley Academy officials said that the ordeal unfolded when little Jackson Riley was asked to take off his backpack, but the 5-year-old boy refused. The child then told his teacher that a bomb inside would explode if he had to remove the book bag, news station KTXL reported. In response to the Aug. 31 incident, the school asked the parents to pick the boy up from school and suspended him for one day. His parents have slammed the school’s decision as “extreme” and said the incident will be on his permanent record, according to KTXL. The school sent the family a letter claiming that the child “intentionally engaged in harassment, threats or intimidation.”
Boner Candidate #2: EVERYONE LOVES KINDER SURPRISE EGGS!
Most guys are trying to get out of the notorious Ottawa jail, but not young Damian O’Reilly. He was actually pretty desperate to get inside the Ottawa-Carleton Detention Centre after hatching a drug-smuggling plot that would see marijuana sold to inmates for 10 times its street value. All he had to do was find a crack in the system, some sure-fire way of getting arrested and jailed. And it had to be quick, for O’Reilly, 20, had “hooped” not one, not two, but eight Kinder Surprise eggs filled with marijuana, tobacco, matches and rolling papers before setting out to get arrested on June 19, 2016. The Italian chocolate egg treat that comes with a toy inside (assembly required) is one of the most popular ways of smuggling contraband into Canadian jails. The yolk-coloured plastic capsule that holds the surprise toy is thin and flexible, making it easier to ‘hoop’ — a jail term for inserting contraband into your rectum.
Boner Candidate #3: WOULD YOU HOLD MY GUM?
Teqen Zéa-Aida thought Council Member Lisa Goodman was hinting he had bad breath when she said, “Would you take my gum, please?” just before the start of a forum for City Council candidates in Minneapolis on Tuesday. Then she handed him the chewed gum from her mouth. “When she reached inside of her mouth and pulled out gum and put it in my hand, I just looked at her and said, ‘What do you want me to do with that?’ ” Zéa-Aida said. The bizarre episode exploded on social media Tuesday thanks to photos dug up by the Twitter account WedgeLive, run by John Edwards. Zéa-Aida said he put the gum out of his mind and forgot about it until after the forum, when he was approached by Edwards. He said he interpreted it as an attempt to disorient him that was “totally unsettling.” Goodman said she also was nervous before the forum and her asking Zéa-Aida to take her gum was a lighthearted comment followed by a series of misunderstandings. She couldn’t find any paper to get rid of the gum in her mouth. Zéa-Aida, who reached out his hand for the gum, said he thought she was offering him gum.
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