Round One
Boner Candidate #1: THEM MUGGERS REALLY MUGGED ME.
A man who had a metal cup stuffed up his bottom for ten days claims it was put there by muggers. Security guard Ramdin, 62, said he was robbed of the £545 ($720) he had made selling his motorbike. Doctors said he was knocked out during the attack and woke up with severe abdominal pain. Ten days later he came to hospital and a scan revealed he had a steel cup lodged inside him. Surgeons at Rama Hospital in Kanpur city of Uttar Pradesh state in India had to operate on the man’s anus to remove it. Senior surgeon Dr Dinesh Kumar said: ‘In the vicious attack he fell unconscious and did not know what transpired during this period. ‘After ten days on June 26 he came to us with severe abdominal pain and discharge from his anus. ‘We conducted an ultrasound scan to find out the problem and were astonished to see a steel tumbler lodged inside his abdomen. ‘It seems that the metal cup was inserted into Ramdin’s rectum by the goons, and it got stuck near the intestines, causing him acute pain. ‘Initially, we tried to remove the cup through the anus itself, but after an hour despite our best efforts, we couldn’t get it out. ‘Then we decided to do an invasive surgery from the stomach, and got the metal cup out.’ Ramdin, from Dibiyapur, was working as a security guard at the Government Medical College when he was attacked in June.
Boner Candidate #2: HOW HARD IS IT TO JUST KIND OF FOLLOW THE LAW?
Undercover investigators say not only did several pawn shops under investigation buy items still in their original store packaging; but in some cases, the items were purchased with the store security devices still on them, according to court documents. In June, investigators from the Utah Attorney General’s Office served search warrants on seven pawn shops along the Wasatch Front following numerous complaints that some were acting as fencing operations, or knowingly purchasing stolen goods from people. Investigators seized an “overwhelming” amount of property that day, according to the Utah Attorney General’s Office, ranging from power tools to kitchen appliances to sporting goods. Over the weekend, several of those warrants were unsealed and additional details of the operation revealed. Many of the initial complaints that sparked the investigation came from Home Depot, “who stated their stores in Utah were seeing a significant increase in retail theft and they believed a large number of the items being stolen from their stores were being fenced in local pawn shops,” according to the warrants.
Boner Candidate #3: THE DENVER DEPUTIES WEREN’T SICK, BUT THEY WERE “SICK!”
Two Denver sheriff’s deputies are being disciplined after they called in sick to work while they were on a trip to Las Vegas last summer, according to KDVR. Photos posted on social media show Deputies Daniel Trujillo and Diego Villalpando-Hernandez in a group of people in Las Vegas on June 18, 2017, the day they called in sick. According to the records, Villalpando-Hernandez worked on the department’s Saturday Work Program, which starts at 5 a.m. – he called in at midnight causing the work program to be cancelled that day. The cancellation of the program forced another employee who was scheduled to work that day to take paid time off so she could compensated for the hours she was supposed to work. When confronted by the department, Villalpando-Hernandez said that what he did was a “selfish act” and that he should have communicated more with his supervisors and got the approved time off, according to the records. Trujillo told investigators that he needed a break from what was going on in his life at the time.
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Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: LISTEN, THE ADMINISTRATION WANTS TO STRESS THESE ARE FUN BAGS NOT FEED BAGS
The Trump administration’s aggressive attempts to water down an international resolution supporting breast-feeding go against decades of advice by most medical organizations and public health experts. The American Academy of Pediatrics calls human breast milk the “normative standard” for infant feeding, and recommends that mothers breast-feed their babies exclusively for six months. “Breast-feeding is one of the most cost-effective interventions for improving maternal and child health,” said Dr. Georges C. Benjamin, executive director of the American Public Health Association. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists “strongly supports” breast-feeding and says evidence of benefits “continues to mount.” Global health experts say that in poor countries in particular, breast-feeding reduces diarrheal diseases and saves babies’ lives. On Monday, President Trump sharply criticized a New York Times report that the United States had threatened trade sanctions and withdrawal of military aid to defeat a resolution at a United Nations health assembly that called on governments to “protect, promote and support breast-feeding” and to limit misleading marketing of breast milk substitutes.
Boner Candidate #2: THIS IS THE END, MY ONLY FRIEND, THE END.
Police arrested three employees of a Georgia assisted living facility after they allegedly made a Snapchat video titled “The End” while in a room with a dying stroke victim,” according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Police arrested 19-year-old Lizeth Jocelyn Cervantes Ramirez, 21-year-old Jorden Lanah Bruce and 21-year-old Mya Janai Moss, who all face charges of exploiting an elderly and disabled person. The three women, who were employees of Bentley Senior Living in Jefferson, were supposed to be monitoring a 76-year-old woman until a hospice worker showed up. Instead, they ignored her and recorded the Snap story, according to the paper, in which the victim does not appear. “One of them was smoking a vape pen. They were using profanities and (making obscene hand gestures) at the camera,” a Jefferson Police Department detective told WSB-TV. Another Bentley employee noticed what was happening and reported the trio, police said, leading to their June 22 arrest.
Boner Candidate #3: ANYBODY GOT A LIGHT?
A suspected drunken driver went back to his burning car Sunday to try lighting his cigarette using the flames, according to the CHP. Amy Walker with the CHP says Robert Quigley, 25, rear-ended an SUV that was stopped in traffic on westbound Interstate 80 just west of Antelope Road. At the time of the crash, Quigley was driving around 75 to 80 mph. A CHP officer spotted the car after it burst into flames and turned around in traffic to help. As he did, he spotted Quigley switch seats with his female passenger. Quigley later admitted to the officer that he was behind the wheel at the time of the crash. A witness told officials a shirtless Quigley went back to his burning car to light his cigarette, singeing part of his eyebrows off in the process, according to Walker. Quigley later told the officer at the scene, “Yeah I’m not afraid of fire. I deal with this kind of stuff all the time.”
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