Boner of the Day

Boner (Rounds One and Two) for October 12th, 2018

ROUND ONE

BONER CANDIDATE #1: GOOGLE’S MAPPING SERVICE HAS GOTTEN REALLY ACCURATE

Google Maps and Google Street View have led to some pretty fun images, which is bound to happen when you try to photograph every street in the world. From residents getting revenge on a neighbor to couples being caught in very awkward positions, plenty of funny stories come from the site. Now however, it’s caused a much more dramatic tale. Google Street View actually led to a couple getting divorced. It happened in Peru, where a man was planning out a drive and used the site to give him a better idea of his route. That’s when he stumbled upon an image of a woman on a bench with a guy laying across her lap. Even though the woman’s face was blurred out, the man knew it was his wife based on her clothes and appearance – the only problem was he wasn’t the guy his head on her.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: I’M GONNA SEND HER BACK TO THE RESERVATION

A Kansas Republican official is under fire for a social media post in which he called a Democratic congressional candidate a “radical socialist kick boxing lesbian Indian” and predicted she would “be sent back packing to the reservation,” The Kansas City Star reported. Michael Kalny, a Republican who holds the elected position of precinct committeeman in Kansas, was referring to Sharice Davids, an openly gay Native American lawyer running to unseat Republican Rep. Kevin Yoder. Davids is an amateur mixed martial arts fighter. Kalny sent the language in a direct Facebook message to Anne Pritchett, president of the Johnson County Democratic Women’s north chapter. “Little Ms. Pritchett – you and your comrades stealth attack on Yoder is going to blow up in your leftist face,” Kalny wrote in the Facebook message, according to a screenshot shared by Pritchett. “The REAL REPUBLICANS will remember what the scum DEMONRATS tried to do to Kavanaugh in November. Your radical socialist kick boxing lesbian Indian will be sent back packing to the reservation.”Pritchett told the Star she was “stunned” by the message. She said she thought Kalny sent it in response to comments she left on Yoder’s Facebook page, which she characterized as “hostile.” But the Star was unable to find any comments from Pritchett on Yoder’s page from the last two weeks.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: SERENITY WAS ANYTHING BUT SERENE

A mother in New York City is looking for answers after her 4-year-old daughter brought home crack cocaine from preschool. Sabrina Straker said her daughter, Serenity, showed her some tiny plastic containers that she claimed were “teeth,” given to her by a boy at school. Straker said she thought the situation was strange. “I told her, ‘He needs to put that under his pillow so the tooth fairy will come,’” the mother told Inside Edition Thursday. “I was examining it, and she brings me more.” Not sure what was in the vials, Straker took them to a local precinct, only to be shocked when a narcotics detective told her the vials contained crack cocaine, she told NBC New YorkStraker was even more shocked with what happened next. Her daughter, who had been acting hyper already, told the officer and her mom that the rocks tasted terrible. Serenity then put one of the pieces of crack in her mouth, which sent her even more over the edge, according to her mother. The family took the little girl to an emergency room, where she tested positive for crack cocaine.

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ROUND TWO

BONER CANDIDATE #1: A SHAMEFUL EXPLOITATION.

 After a week of extensive interviews, repetitive rally speeches and a torrent of tweets, President Trump, a fan of a good media spectacle, temporarily ceded the glare of the spotlight on Thursday to someone even more comfortable with it: Kanye West. In a visit to the White House for what was ostensibly a working lunch to discuss work force training programs, sentencing reforms and African-American employment, Mr. West wore a “Make America Great Again” hat — an accessory he said made him feel like Superman — and delivered a 10-minute soliloquy to Mr. Trump, the news media and anyone judging his decision to support the president. “Trump is on his hero’s journey right now,” Mr. West said. “He might not have thought he’d have a crazy” person “like me,” he said, using an expletive to describe himself. In the past, Mr. West has been an outspoken critic of politicians. In 2005, he lashed out at a sitting president on live TV over his efforts to assist Hurricane Katrina victims, saying, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: CONFETTI POPPERS AIN’T NO GOOD IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

A gender reveal party reportedly ended with a wild brawl outside an Ohio Applebee’s when customers and staff argued over who was responsible for cleaning up confetti. Cops responded to the Applebee’s Grill and Bar outside Cleveland on Monday after a fight that began when the group was told not to use confetti poppers inside the establishment, according to WJW-TV. The manager had notified the group of about 20 to pop the confetti outside so that other customers would not be pelted by the decorative paper, the network said. But when the blue confetti was blasted all over the restaurant’s sidewalk and cars — the manager asked the group to clean up the litter. That’s when the partygoers started yelling and throwing menus at employees, the manager told the network. Some of the party members began screaming, “I’m going to beat your a–” and telling the hostess they were going to “f– you up,” the hostess claimed. They also allegedly failed to pay a bill of $31.81. The restaurant released a statement that said it was “an unfortunate incident.”

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: I WAS WASHING DISHES, UH, SLICING PIZZA, UH, HOLDING THE DOG, UH, I SLIPPED ON SOME POO, UH

A Florida woman arrested on murder charges Wednesday claimed the fatal stabbing of her husband was an accident because she had slipped on dog feces, authorities said. But they added that the suspect, identified as Rachel Fidanian, 38, has given “several inconsistent statements” about what happened in the couple’s Lakeland, Polk County, home on June 25, FOX 35 of Orlando reported. “The suspect made a lot of excuses, but none of them made sense,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said in a statement obtained by the Miami Herald. “Our detectives did a thorough investigation. In the end, they determined this was an intentional act of domestic violence.” In the initial 911 call, Fidanian said she was holding her dog while washing dishes, then ran toward her husband, slipped and stabbed her husband in his shoulder area, according to FOX 35. Then later in the call, she said she was holding the dog while slicing pizza, and accidentally stabbed her husband when she tripped while walking toward him, according to detectives. When Polk County Fire Rescue officials arrived on the scene, Fidanian said she was slicing pizza, then noticed her dog had defecated and urinated in the living room. When she went to clean the mess, she slipped, still holding the knife, and fell onto her husband, investigators said. But detectives said they found no traces of feces or urine in the living room, FOX 35 reported.

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