ROUND ONE:
BONER CANDIDATE #1: YOU CAN BUY IT IF YOU’RE STUPID.
A company called Kiwiana is selling cans of “pure fresh New Zealand air” in packs of four, according to a tweet by journalist Damian Christie, posted from the Auckland airport. The pack cost $98.99 in New Zealand dollars. That’s about $65 in the U.S, which, according to the picture, is the price of “a value pack.” “You’ve got to be sh—g me. Also, $98, so not exactly a cute prank gift,” Christie wrote upon seeing the item. The back of the package reads, “New Zealand’s unique position in the Southern Ocean means KIWIANA AIR has crossed no major landmass before flowing over the pristine Southern Alps of New Zealand and into this can.” Each canister allegedly contains 130 to 140 “deep breaths” and comes attached to a mask-like apparatus that you can place over your mouth or nose to inhale.
BONER CANDIDATE #2: WE’RE PUTTING THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST IN CHARGE OF OUR CHILDREN.
A teacher in Minnesota has been placed on paid leave after posting a threatening tweet about Supreme Court Justice Brett M. Kavanaugh. “So whose gonna take one for the team and kill Kavanaugh?” read the tweet, which was posted Saturday, the day the Senate voted to confirm him, according to WCCO, a CBS affiliate in Minneapolis. The tweet and the account that posted it have since been deleted. The FBI and the local county sheriff’s department have said they are aware of the incident. “Over the weekend, the district has received a complaint regarding an employee,” Mark A. Zuzek, the superintendent of Intermediate School District #917, said in a statement. “The employee has been placed on paid administrative leave pending the outcome of the investigation.”
BONER CANDIDATE #3: I WAS A FOOL TO GIVE HER ALL OF THAT STUFF
A jilted FDNY firefighter broke into his ex-girlfriend’s Bronx home and stole the designer items he bought for her while they were together, police and law enforcement sources said Monday. Tommy Rodriguez, 32, allegedly broke into his girlfriend’s Morrisania apartment sometime between June 1 and Sunday and stole a Louis Vuitton purse and wallet and an iPhone that he had gifted her during their relationship. When the 31-year-old victim discovered that the items — worth a total of about $1,750 — were missing, she reported the theft to the NYPD’s 42nd Precinct station house around noon Sunday. Rodriguez, who also lives in the Bronx, was arrested around 8 p.m. Sunday and charged with grand larceny.
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ROUND TWO:
BONER CANDIDATE #1: HUCKABEE’S SHREWD INSIGHT INTO THE YOUNGER GENERATION
BONER CANDIDATE #2: OGDEN CANYON IS NICE, BUT IT’S NOT QUITE THE SAME IS IT?
A New Zealand couple is out $1,159.83 after booking an airplane tour over the Grand Canyon with a company claiming it never received their reservation. Peter and Sylvia Thornhill paid for their “dream” trip nine months ago by credit card, scheduling a private charter flight over the West Rim of the national park with Utah Airways, KSL reports. Prior to the trip, the Thornhills received a confirmation email claiming to be from the company. Peter also called to confirm their reservation on Wednesday, the day before the scheduled flight. “We double-checked before we left New Zealand. My husband, Peter, rang Utah from home and spoke to somebody who confirmed that the flight was still a go,” Sylvia told KSL.
BONER CANDIDATE #3: YES HE STOLE BABIES, BUT IT WAS SO LONG AGO
A doctor was found guilty of stealing a newborn baby from her mother in Spain decades ago but was acquitted by a Madrid court on Monday because too much time had elapsed. Gynecologist Eduardo Vela, 85, was found to have abducted Ines Madrigal at birth in 1969. But the doctor was acquitted because the court ruled that the statute of limitations had expired. Madrigal is one of hundreds of babies Vela is suspected of having stolen from their parents and supplied to infertile couples during and after the fascist dictatorship of Francisco Franco. In recent years, more stories have emerged of babies being removed from families viewed as Republicans, and given to others loyal to Franco’s fascist regime. Some are believed to have been sold. The sinister political practice that began after the Spanish Civil War is believed to have continued as recently as the 1990s.
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