Boner of the Day

Boners (Rounds One and Two) for April 16th, 2018

Boner Candidate #1: GINA THINKS THIS SHOULD BE HERE…I’M NOT SO SURE.

Taylor Swift sent the Internet into a tizzy on Friday when she released a breathy, folksy cover of Earth, Wind & Fire’s 1978 love jam “September” on Spotify. Her version stripped away the original’s funk-laden sensibility and presented the tune as a slow-burning countrypolitan song. Covering a beloved song is tricky, and covering a beloved song in a new style is sure to irk some die-hard fans. So criticism was as swift as it was inevitable. Read some of these more impassioned takes, then scroll down to hear both songs and take our poll to tell us what you think: Monique Judge, a columnist for the black culture magazine the Root, took particularly issue with the cover. In a column titled “Taylor Swift Just Disrespected Earth, Wind & Fire With Her Cover of ‘September,’ ” Judge hoped the song was “some type of messed up Friday the 13th prank.” “There are certain songs you don’t mess with, especially if you don’t have the range, and we all know Taylor Swift has all the range of a dial tone,” Judge wrote.

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Listen for yourself

Boner Candidate #2: THEY WERE JUST WAITING ON A FRIEND.

Starbucks, which once asked baristas to start a conversation about race with customers, faces fierce criticism — including calls for a companywide boycott — after two black men were arrested at a Philadelphia store, sparking accusations of racial profiling over what the company’s chief executive now calls a “reprehensible” incident. CEO Kevin Johnson apologized in a weekend statement to the two men who were taken out of the store in handcuffs by at least six officers on Thursday and has traveled has from Seattle to Philadelphia, where, he says, “I hope to meet personally with the two men who were arrested to offer a face-to-face apology.” Johnson will also meet with Mayor Jim Kenney (D) and Police Commissioner Richard Ross, according to Philly.com. Protests were underway early Monday at the Philadelphia Starbucks where the incident occurred.

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Boner Candidate #3: IF A KID GETS MOLESTED YOU TEACHERS ARE TO BLAME.

Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin apologized on Sunday to people who he said were hurt by his “guarantee” that children were abused after a massive teacher walkout shut schools on Friday. In a video posted on his YouTube page, Bevin, a Republican, said he had been trying to address the “unintended consequences” of closing schools when he told reporters n Friday that “somewhere in Kentucky today, a child was sexually assaulted that was left at home because there was nobody there to watch them.” “I guarantee you somewhere today, a child was physically harmed or ingested poison because they were home alone because a single parent didn’t have any money to take care of them,” Bevin added. The comments led to a resolution from the state’s Republican-led House of Representatives condemning Bevin. “While this body may not agree with all that the teachers asserted, it is without question that the right to of freedom of speech, the right to peaceably assemble and the right to petition the government for a redress of grievances are the backbone of our democracy,” the resolution said.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: BOO BROWNIE BANDIT! BOOO!

CHARLESTON, S.C. — Authorities say a 19-year-old South Carolina man brought his 89-year-old neighbor brownies laced with a tranquilizer and then stole money and a television when she passed out for four hours. Charleston police said in a report the woman told officers Christian Jellico would come over to her home every few weeks and they would talk and she would give him money. Police say when Jellico came over Saturday, he offered the woman brownies. She said the next thing she remembered was waking up on her couch. Authorities say a television and $500 was taken from the woman’s home. Police say a high level of a tranquilizer was found in her system. Jellico is charged with abuse of a vulnerable adult and larceny. Court records didn’t list an attorney.

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Boner Candidate #2: SORRY ABOUT THE BURGLE, BUT NOT MUCH WE CAN DO.

Caithy Walker, 34, said she was distraught when cops told her to look online after her offices in Whitefield, Greater Manchester, were broken into twice in just five weeks. She said they told her they didn’t have enough officers available to attend to the break-in because of ‘government spending cuts’ and she was better off seeing if thieves were trying to sell her computers, camera equipment and jewellery. ‘They said they don’t have anyone who goes to burglaries anymore,’ Ms Walker from Bury, Greater Manchester, told the Daily Mail. ‘They said: “We would like to but we just don’t have the manpower”.’ She also alleged when they did send a forensic examiner they did not take key CCTV footage that showed a clear image of one of the thieves because they apparently couldn’t do anything with it.

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Boner Candidate #3: BOOZY STRIPPERS BRAWL ON EASY JET.

THREE boozy girl pals are pulled apart by a jet’s cabin crew — in a boozy brawl at 30,000ft. The trio, thought to be lap dancers, scrapped, tore one another’s hair out and left one with a bloodied face. Their drunken swearing had earlier drawn complaints on the easyJet Gatwick-Tenerife flight. Firm boss Angie Dilloway, 50 — whose daughter Bella, ten, is heard screaming in footage of the fight — said staff seized their booze  but  they got it back. Angie, of Aylesford, Kent, added: “No one expected it to happen. They were friends and cuddling one minute and then getting louder and drinking Grey Goose vodka the next. “They started arguing and they were swearing using the f word and the c word. Other passengers started to complain and the stewardess took the bottle of vodka away from them.

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