Boners

Gina’s Boner Candidates for December 9, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: SANTA SAYS LAY OFF THE HAMBURGERS

Santa Claus isn’t exactly known for his trim figure, but that didn’t stop him from fat-shaming a nine-year-old. While sitting on Santa’s lap, a North Carolina boy said that the noted cookie-lover decided to dispense diet advice, suggesting he lay off the hamburgers and french fries. Anthony Mayse said he walked away in tears after meeting Santa over the weekend in Forest City, North Carolina. “It affected me so bad that I was crying until I went to bed that night. And I would to say to him, like my mama said, you don’t wanna disrespect a nine-year-old,” Anthony told news station WLOS. “Even though, what shape and size you are, it doesn’t matter.” He later tore up the photo of him and the less-than-jolly Santa.

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Boner Candidate #2: GOIN’ BACK FOR MORE BOOZE

It appears like we have a real-life “Bad Santa” situation happening in Canada. A thief wearing a Santa hat robbed a British Columbia golf course twice in the span of 24 hours earlier this week. According to globalnews.ca, the first break-in occurred Tuesday at 6 a.m. at Vernon Golf & Country Club. At 2:30 a.m. Wednesday morning, the jolly robber returned. The mystery man was seen in surveillance video wearing a Santa hat. Both times, this Christmas taker walked away with bottles of liquor. Again, this really has a “Bad Santa” feel. And the sequel to the 2003 movie in which a man dresses up as Santa Clause to steal from department stores just happens to be currently in theaters.

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Boner Candidate #3: SANTA, AN ANGEL, AND A DEVIL WALK INTO AN OLD LADIES APARTMENT…

Naughty, not nice: Slovak police on Wednesday arrested a man dressed as Santa Claus for stealing cash and gold jewelry from a 91-year-old woman. Officers also detained two sidekicks in angel and devil costumes — the jolly man in the red suit’s sisters — over the theft, local police spokeswoman Maria Linkesova told AFP. Joined by the man’s three-year-old son, the trio pretended to be well-wishers after ringing the elderly woman’s doorbell in the western town of Skalica. “The old lady gave them five euros for the good wishes. The man dressed as Santa Claus then asked for a cup of tea for the child,” said Linkesova. While she was busy with that, the sister in the angel costume swiped jewelry and 45 euros from the house.

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