Boner Candidate #1: WELCOME TO THE STRAITS OF VERMOUTH
Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent seemed to slip up and accidentally called the Strait of Hormuz the “Strait of Vermouth” during a White House press briefing. “President Trump said this morning that he thinks we’re nearing the end,” Bessent said in response to being asked about the president’s goal in reopening the strait. “The U.S. kept their side of the ceasefire…The Straits of Vermouth have not been completely reopened.” The slip came after he was asked about when Americans would start seeing lower gas prices. The secretary added that he has been meeting with several of his “Middle Eastern counterparts” and that all of them have promised that once the strait is open, “they can start pumping again within one week.”
Boner Candidate #2: WE’RE GETTING OUR FANS THE RIGHT SHIRTS APSA.
The Utah Mammoths are on their way to their first ever playoff game for the NHL. Fans of the Utah Mammoths are sharing on social media how their special edition playoff merchandise was delivered with an error. The Fanatics branded merchandise showed up, Utah was spelled “Uath”. U-A-T-H. While some fans are outraged, many are taking the mishap in stride and celebrating their new collectors items online. “We are aware that a small number of fans unfortunately received this item which was misprinted,” said a company spokesperson. “We are getting in contact with these fans and providing them the correct product ASAP.”
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #3: SHE IS THE BEST PERSON TO ASK THE QUESTION AND THE BEST ONE TO ANSWER IT TOO.
Representative Lauren Boebert has been under fire for a viral moment after lecturing fellow lawmakers following sexual misconduct allegations amongst Congress. “Go to church. Find Jesus. Why is everyone so horny around here?” Boebert told reporters in response to allegations against Reps. Eric Swalwell and Tony Gonzales. People on social media were quick to remind Boebert of her own scandal from 2023 where she was escorted out of a production of the “Beetlejuice” musical in Denver for causing a “disturbance.” Footage later circulated online that appeared to show the congresswoman and her date groping each other. “While none of my actions or words as a private citizen that night were intended to be malicious or meant to cause harm, the reality is they did and I regret that,” she wrote in a statement at the time.
