Boner Candidate #1: HE CLAIMS TO HAVE KILLED HIS FIRST MAN WHEN HE WAS SEVEN YEARS OLD. HE’D MAKE A GREAT GOVERNOR
The right-wing preacher, Victor Marx, claims he killed a man when he was 7 and that he cannot recall how many deaths he has been responsible for since. Marx has been arrested twice for disorderly conduct, terrorized a psychiatrist with murder threats, and can “perform exorcisms by phone.” He and his wife were involved in am MLM scheme and he used to sell a $99 guide to cast out demons. On Thursday he was declared the winner of the Republican primary in Colorado. Marx’s victory has some Colorado Republicans nervous, saying that it could put some statehouse and congressional races in danger. His campaign has divided the right and has caused a power struggle within the Colorado party. Marx won, due to his social media reach, and the resentment republicans hold for professional politicians. “Victor Marx did a very good job of marketing himself as an outsider, as an answer to some of the angst Republicans have” said Chuck Broerman, a Republican official. Though many may find it to be old news when a con man, who claims to have God on his side while fetishizing violence, gets nominated.
Boner Candidate #2: THOSE ARE ABORTIFACIENT BIRTH CONTROL COMMODITIES…BURN ‘EM!
A Freedom of Information Act lawsuit has exposed emails about the Trump administration’s plan to burn nearly $10 million in birth control. Officials tried to destroy contraceptives and HIV-prevention supplies in a Belgian warehouse. The plan was abandoned because Belgian laws prevented incineration, but by this point, most of the stock had spoiled. The emails reveal officials scrambling in confusion about the plans and the motivations. Officials themselves had sparked the confusion. A senior official had emailed a list of the warehouse’s stock, wrongly identifying several items as abortion drugs. None of the items were abortion related. The State Department confirmed that “a preliminary decision was made to destroy certain abortifacient birth control commodities.” It did not say which items it deemed abortion drugs. Liz Taylor, an attorney for the Center for Reproductive Rights says, “These are not abortion drugs, just plain and simple,” and that the administration should have known better. Secretary of State, Marco Rubio, defended the policy saying Washington is, “not going to be involved in distributing contraceptives.” Storage and transportation for this ridiculous plan have cost taxpayers more than $434,000 since January 2025.
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #3: PETE GETS HIS ORDERS FROM THE MANOSHPHERE/YOU’VE GOT LOW T MAGGOT
Defense Secretary, Pete Hegseth, announced a new screening program for “testosterone deficiency” among troops, calling it necessary to allow them to operate at their “absolute best.” The screenings will be done annually with other required medical screenings for troops over 30. In the announcement, Hegseth simply refers to “troops,” though it appears he is only testing men. The move comes as other Trump administration officials begin to advocate for access to testosterone replacement therapies, but the messaging blend science with unsubstantiated claims. When asked about what conditions Hegseth was looking to address, the Pentagon referred to Hegseth’s remarks that mentioned keeping troops “strong, resilient and capable” because a modern battlefield demands “maximum psychological and mental readiness.” Although, over the past several years, special operations troops have come under scrutiny for rampant drug use, including testosterone enhancing medications. Hegseth said his new initiative is “not about artificial enhancement.” Many influencers and proponents of RFK jr’s “Make America Healthy Again” movement say that testosterone is makes you look younger, build muscle and stay mentally sharp, although those uses aren’t accepted by most medical experts. Testosterone levels in men decline naturally with age and have been linked to symptoms like erectile dysfunction, low libido, and weight gain. But experts have debated for years whether or not they should be treated by hormone replacement therapy.
