Boners

Boner Candidates May 2, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: I’LL SHOW THOSE BARISTAS WHO’S BOSS!

An Illinois woman is reportedly suing Starbucks for $5 million over the amount of ice it puts in customers’ drinks. Stacy Pincus accuses the coffee chain of packing almost half of their cold beverages with ice as a means to skimp on serving actual coffee to customers,according to the suit obtained by Courthouse News. When it comes to ordering a 24-ounce “Venti” coffee, for example, Pincus claims a customer only receives 14 ounces of actual coffee, and ice takes up the remaining 10. The miffed customer further notes that hot Starbucks beverages typically cost less than cold ones, even though they contain more coffee because of the lack of ice. Among the accusations hurled at the coffee conglomerate are fraud, negligent misrepresentation and unjust enrichment. Pincus expresses her intent to represent everyone who ever purchased a cold drink from the coffee chain over the last 10 years.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE BENGHAZI COMMITTEE GETS DESPERATE.

Rep. Trey Gowdy has embarrassed himself ever since he became the pitch man for the Benghazi conspiracy jackals and after made to look like a fool during Clinton’s eleven hour cross examination, you’d think he’d had enough of this by now. If you thought that, you’d be wrong because the Benghazi Select are now lowering themselves into a vat of acid. They are so desperate to save face that they are searching for a radio caller to the Sean Hannity show, who is suddenly some kind of an expert by talking with the gas guzzler of right wing propaganda. Who knew “John from Iowa” was the key to busting the Benghazi story wide open.

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Boner Candidate #3: HOW DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS CONTINUE TO SURVIVE?

A high-ranking official in the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department resigned on Sunday after it was revealed that he had shared a series of racist and sexist jokes from his work email account in a previous job with the Burbank Police Department. Sheriff Jim McDonnell of Los Angeles County said in a statement that the official, Tom Angel, his chief of staff, had resigned on Sunday. His resignation came days after The Los Angeles Times first reported on the emails, which the newspaper said were obtained under the state’s open records act. “This incident is one that I find deeply troubling,” Chief McDonnell said.

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