Boners

Boner Candidate Preview April 18, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: IT WAS MY BEST HAT

A video posted to YouTube appears to show a woman making a questionable decision all for the sake of a hat. It appears a woman jumped over a protective barrier at the Toronto Zoo separating zoo-goers from a tiger’s fence to recover a hat from the ground.

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Boner Candidate #2: SPEAK ENGLISH IF YOU WANT TO FLY WITH US

A college student and Iraqi refugee was kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight this week, reportedly for speaking Arabic during a phone call. According to the Daily Californian, UC Berkeley senior Khairuldeen Makhzoomi, who fled Iraq in 2002, was overheard by another passenger saying goodbye to his uncle on the phone, using the phrase phrase “inshallah,” which translates to “if God is willing.”

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Boner Candidate #3: IF I GET THE JOB I CAN HIRE A BABY SITTER

NASHVILLE, Tennessee — A woman and her friend are facing charges after they left her infant in a hot car outside a strip club where she was auditioning. WSB-TV reports 24-year-old Kelsey McMurtry was auditioning at club in downtown Nashville Thursday while her daughter sat in a locked car with the windows up.

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Boner Candidate #4: Sarah Palin vs. Bill Nye

Climate-change denier and Trump surrogate Sarah Palin, promoting her new film, Climate Hustle, inexplicably challenged just how much of a Science Guy Bill Nye really is: “Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am,”she said during a Congressional event Thursday. “He’s a kids’ show actor. He’s not a scientist.”

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Boner Candidate #5: DON’T WE EXPECT OUR PRECIOUS CELEBRITIES TO BE SMARTER THAN US?

Los Angeles • A survey has found that tens of thousands of voters, including Demi Moore and other celebrities, have mistakenly registered as members of a conservative minor political party in California in a mix-up over its name, a newspaper reported Sunday.

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Boner Candidate #6: IT WAS A MISTAKE.

In yet another one of those hypocritical “do as I say, not as I do”moments, Georgia state lawmaker Republican Tom Taylor was charged with a DUI in Rabun County, GA, blowing a whopping .225 on the breathalyzer test. If being totally soused behind the wheel weren’t bad enough, the Dunwoody Republican was driving 72mph in a 45mph zone, with four children in the car and a Glock strapped to his hip.

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