Boners

Boner Candidate Preview April 27, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: THE LAST THING THIS GUY NEEDS IS A BEER

A 29-year-old New Hampshire man arrested for drunk driving was captured wearing a “this guy needs a beer” t-shirt. Police took Joshua Tackett into custody on Friday evening on suspicion of crashing his car in front of the police headquarters in Kensington. His mug shot shows him wearing the slogan shirt in a Facebook post that has gone viral.

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Boner Candidate #2: THINGS ARE UNDER CONTROL I GOT THIS. I GOT THIS.

A Sherwood elementary school teacher accused of giving alcohol to more than 30 minors at an after-prom party has been suspended, a district spokesman said Monday. Marcie Duncan, 48, who works at William Jefferson Clinton Elementary School, is suspended pending an internal investigation in accordance with district policy, Deb Roush of the Pulaski County Special School District said.

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Boner Candidate #3: NERVOUS ABOUT THE JOB INTERVIEW

A Des Moines man was arrested Monday after he allegedly drove himself drunk to an interview with a taxi cab company, hitting parked cars in the lot. Ryan William Dickson, 39, arrived for his interview with Trans Iowa, a taxicab and shuttle company on Army Post Road, at 9:25 a.m., but had a little trouble parking.

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Boner Candidate #4: LOCAL GOVERNMENT…GETTING THINGS DONE.

A city council member in Alabama says the town’s mayor punched him in the face at the end of a council meeting, leading to a fracas involving several others. CBS affiliate WAKA reports Alexander City Mayor Charles Shaw rushed across the stage and punched councilman Tony Goss as Monday night’s meeting was concluding, and that a larger brawl erupted after that.

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Boner Candidate #5: I’LL GIVE YOU A TRANSGENDER BEAT DOWN.

Tracy Murphree, the GOP candidate for the Denton County Sheriff’s Office, posted some questionable statements about transgender people on Facebook, the Dallas Observer reports. According to the Observer, Murphree wrote the following Facebook post on April 22: “All I can say is this: If my little girl is in a public women’s restroom and a man, regardless of how he may identify, goes into the bathroom…”

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Boner Candidate #6: MEXICAN, MUSLIM…IT’S ALL THE SAME.

Two men and their firearms were vastly outnumbered by media and police presence Monday morning at a demonstration of their anti-Muslim feelings at the Georgia Capitol. The protesters, James Stachowiak of Augusta and Florida pastor Terry Jones, railed against Islam outside the Georgia Capitol.

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