Boners

Boner Candidate Preview July 27, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: DAMN KID RUINED THE MOVIE FOR EVERYONE

A man in a Paducah, Kentucky, movie theater pulled a gun Saturday during a dispute over a child kicking his seat during “Star Trek Beyond,” according to police and media reports. A father told police that his son was kicking the back of the man’s seat when the suspect stood up and cursed at the boy, a Paducah PD Facebook post reported. The father attempted to intercede, and a fight broke out between the two men. When the dad “got the upper hand,” the FB post noted, the suspect pulled a gun and said, “What the [expletive] are you going to do now?”\

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Boner Candidate #2: THE RACIST ROADHOUSE WAITRESS

A Colorado waitress reacted to customers leaving an unsatisfactory tip by fantasizing on social media about killing Mexicans in a “purge” — and then she lost her job. Megan Olson, who goes by the name “megatron” on Twitter, posted the violent message referring to to movie “The Purge: Election Year” earlier this month on her personal account, reported KMGH-TV.

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Boner Candidate #3: SOMEBODY NEEDS TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL

A Florida high school’s spelling is under scrutiny after the road outside the building was freshly painted to read “SCOHOL.” Kevin O’Korn posted a photo to Facebook Saturday showing Volusia County had painted the road outside Pine Ridge Middle School in Deltona to read “SCOHOL,” and the spelling error appeared twice.

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Boner Candidate #4: THOSE SLAVES HAD IT PRETTY GOOD

On Tuesday, conservative commentators sprang into actually to “fact check” Michelle Obama’s remark about the White House being built with slave labor, successfully missing the point of her story to note that, hey, lots of non-slaves worked on it too. Bill O’Reilly went one further, however, weirdly stating that the slaves that did work on the White House were “well-fed” with “decent lodgings.”

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Boner Candidate #5: IT WAS FOR MY ART.

A man who claims to be a Fort Wayne-based rapper apparently shot himself in the face last week for a music video. In a post to his Facebook page, the man, who performs under the name Kasper Knight, can be seen placing a revolver to his cheek and then pulling the trigger – firing a bullet through his mouth.

Boner Candidate #6: THOSE ARE MY HUGGIN PIZZA ROLLS

A Norwalk man is accused of brandishing a sword at his ex-roommate when he was retrieving some food. Travis C. Vartorella, 20, of 133 N. West St., Apt. A-2, was charged with aggravated menacing. If convicted of the first-degree misdemeanor, he faces up to six months in the Huron County Jail. “The victim was a former roommate. He had moved out,” Norwalk Law Director Stuart O’Hara said.

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