Boners

Boner Candidate Preview July 28, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: SOMETIMES IT HELPS TO BE A CITY COUNCILMAN

A West Jordan city councilman was only given a ticket on Tuesday even though police admit they should have arrested him on a more serious charge. KSL TV obtained exclusive footage from the bizarre incident that did not result in any arrests. South Jordan police responded to the call that involved West Jordan City Councilman Jeff Haaga on Tuesday night. “We got a report that (Haaga) was involved in a hit and run,” said Lt. Matt Pennington with the South Jordan Police Department. “He wasn’t on scene, he had returned home and so our officers responded over there.”

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Boner Candidate #2: A FART-IN? REALLY?

Bernie Sanders supporters tried to make a stink at the Democratic National Convention on Wednesday by staging a “fart-in” — but officials smelled that something was up and denied them access. Organizer Cheri Honkala, who is the national coordinator for the Poor People’s Economic Human Rights Campaign, was joined by no more than five people for the unique protest. In preparation for the protest, Sanders’ convention delegates scarfed down beans and other fiber-filled foods before arriving at the convention hall.

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Boner Candidate #3: IT WAS THE SCHOOL’S FAULT

A substitute teacher accused of having sex with a student is blaming education officials for her illegal indiscretions — claiming they failed to stop her, and “allowed” the relationship to blossom. In a series of interviews with reporters in Iowa, 24-year-old Mary Beth Haglin admitted to having sex with a 17-year-old boy for much of the 2015-16 academic year — and accused Cedar Rapids Community School District of complicity.

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Boner Candidate #4: HEY, COOL-A FAKE LEG.

A California toddler learned the hard way that life’s not a beach — after someone stole his prosthetic leg on his first ever visit to the shore. Liam Brenes, 4, was having the time of his life Sunday as he soaked up the sun at the Crystal Cove State Beach in Orange County.

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Boner Candidate #5: OFFENSIVE?I HAD NO IDEA

A police officer fired for flying the Confederate battle flag at her suburban Atlanta home says she had no idea the emblem was controversial, and is appealing her termination. Former Roswell police Sgt. Silvia Cotriss tells The Atlanta Journal-Constitutionthat she’d been flying the battle flag below the American flag in front of her house in nearby Woodstock for more than a year with no complaints.

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Boner Candidate #6: LET’S ROLL SOME COAL,THAT’LL SHOW ‘EM

Conservatives who show their annoyance with liberals, Obama, and the EPA by blowing black smoke from their trucks.

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