Boners

Boner Candidate Preview June 2, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: WE AIN’T GOT NO HABOOBS ROUND HERE.

On Sunday evening, a haboob — like the one shown here — rolled through Lubbock, Tex., but some Texans were more upset by the terminology than the storm itself. (Daniel Bryant)
A wall of dust raced toward Lubbock, Tex., on Sunday, and the National Weather Service threw out a word of caution on its Facebook page. “A haboob is rapidly approaching the Lubbock airport and may affect the city as well,” the meteorologists wrote. The use of the meteorological term “haboob,” a word with Arabic roots, didn’t sit well with some residents.

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Boner Candidate #2: MATH HAS PRACTICAL AND RACIST APPLICATIONS.

A Burns Middle school teacher has been placed on administrative leave over a controversial test given to some 8th grade students. Some parents say the test includes questionable language and subject matter that just doesn’t belong in the classroom. The parents say they can’t believe it was actually given to students. It’s a 10-question math quiz that highlights prostitution, drugs, and drive-by shootings. While some of the kids thought it was kind of funny, their parents aren’t laughing.

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Boner Candidate #3:DON’T TELL ME THAT THERE’S NO PROBLEM WITH GENDER NEUTRAL BATHROOMS.

A man was arrested Saturday after Palm Beach Police say he took a $30,000 ring left behind in a bathroom. During the brief few minutes that Michelle Prager accidentally left her $30,000 ring on the counter of a Palm Beach department store’s unisex bathroom, an opportunistic thief pocketed it, police said. But thanks to an observant security guard, the man didn’t get far. He was arrested at the entrance of the store after the security guard confronted him, according to a Palm Beach police arrest report.

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Boner Candidate #4: IT WAS LOVE I TELL YA.

A 24-year-old middle school teacher accused of having a months-long affair with a 13-year-old student — who got her pregnant — turned herself in Wednesday afternoon. Alexandria Vera was booked on charges of continuous sexual abuse of a child and released on $100,000 bail — a day after Houston police issued a warrant for the raven-haired English teacher’s arrest. She met — and fell in love with — the boy last summer at Stovall Middle School in Houston, according to court documents obtained by ABC 13.

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Boner Candidate #5:WAIT. THIS IS NOT OUR GRANDSON.

A 65-year-old Orangeburg County grandfather’s case of mistaken identity at an elementary school led to the Orangeburg County Sheriff’s Office to investigate the incident. According to an incident report, the grandfather, identified as Joseph Fuller, went to Edisto Primary School to pick up his grandson early from school on May 19. When the grandfather arrived, the report said, he noticed a group of students leaving the gymnasium and he spotted a young man who he thought was his grandson.

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Boner Candidate #6: HOW ‘BOUT A CUP OF TANGY PROFESSOR PEE?

A classroom prank some BYU students say crossed the line. A student drank what she thought was her professor’s urine as part of a lesson on kidney function. The student got extra credit for slugging back a small vial. “I think that’s asking too much of students and it has nothing to do with how well we study or how well we actually know physiology,” said a student in the class who filmed the incident. Professor Jason Hansen teaches the class. He posted a note to his students three days after it happened. It reads in part: “Please rest assured that it was not really urine but rather food coloring and diluted vinegar.”

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