Boners

Boner Candidate Preview May 10, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: DJ’S ARE SUCH CREATIVE PEOPLE

A DJ’s plan to win the war on drugs in South Africa is to make people break wind.  Thabo Mahlare, 37, has called on teenagers to take part in an inaugural competition involving the taboo. He has started the contest because the DJ, also known as ‘Behind Bars’, is so concerned about the level of drug abuse in Pretoria. Participants will be given eggs, castor oil and milk to help them produce the loudest sounds. Amazingly organisers will also be handing out diapers to anyone at risk of making a mess.

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Boner Candidate #2: WHERE DID THAT HOLE COME FROM?

A Deltona man shot himself while cleaning a handgun but did not discover the bullet hole in his arm until three days later when he changed shirts, Volusia County sheriff’s deputies said. Deputies were called to Florida Hospital Fish Memorial in Orange City on Saturday where Michael Blevins, 37, had checked himself after discovering the bullet wound, investigators said. Blevins told deputies that on Thursday he was cleaning a .22 caliber pistol in the living room of his Whitewood Drive home, a report stated.

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Boner Candidate #3: THAT PADDLE THERE? THAT BELONGS TO THE JUDGE.

An Arkansas judge accused by a state panel of trading sentence reductions for sex with young defendants has resigned, legal documents released on Monday showed. Joseph Boeckmann of state district court in Wynne, Arkansas, was suspended over the scandal in November by the Arkansas Supreme Court, which has jurisdiction over the state’s lower courts. He was accused of issuing “substitutionary sentences” to certain defendants, and offering sentence reductions or dismissals to others, all allegedly to entice them into sexual relations.

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Boner Candidate #4: MAYBE HE’S ONE OF THE GOOD ONES

Asked on Monday how his Muslim ban would affect London’s newly elected mayor, Donald Trump suggested Sadiq Khan might be one of the good ones, telling The New York Times, “There will always be exceptions.” Additionally, Trump said he was “happy to see” Khan, the first Muslim mayor of any major Western capital, elected.“I think it’s a very good thing, and I hope he does a very good job because frankly that would be very, very good,” said Trump. “Because I think if he does a great job, it will really—you lead by example, always lead by example.

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Boner Candidate #5: CUT DOWN A TREE? NOTHIN TO IT.

A man trying to clear his front yard has a thing or two to learn about gravity, it would seem. Video shows a man using a chainsaw to cut down a tree in his yard – before it falls directly on to his boat and truck. The tree, which appears to be out the front of his home in the US, is cut from the left hand side. As he begins to cut through the trunk, the tree leans to the right – just above his boat and truck. In the seconds it takes for the man to realise his mistake, it’s all over.

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Boner Candidate #6: ANTI GOVERNMENT? AMMON BUNDY? NO WAY!

Ammon Bundy intended the takeover of an Oregon wildlife refuge to lead to a civil court taking up the constitutionality of federal land-management policy, according to court documents filed Monday. The 40-year-old leader of the occupation didn’t expect arrests and indictments, documents said. Instead, Bundy thought the government would issue a refuge eviction claim, The Oregonian/OregonLive reported.

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