Boners

Boner Candidate Preview May 16, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: THEY’RE THE SIZE OF AVOCADOS

Maximilien Kelly, 25, was found guilty of exposing himself to shoppers at Matalan, Aberystwyth. He told a jury at Swansea Crown Court that he had a medical condition and he needed to re-adjust his over-sized testicles because they were so swollen. As a result, he claimed, he accidentally exposed himself to the shoppers last September. Kelly, a guitarist, said he had a condition known as hydrocele.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE PRICE OF BEING A CELEBRITY

Actress Vanessa Hudgens has doled out $1,000 in restitution after carving an expression of love into a red rock wall in Sedona, Arizona.  Best known for her role as Gabriella Montez in the “High School Musical” TV-movie franchise, Hudgens posted a photo of her handiwork to Instagram, which showed a heart with the names “Vanessa” and “Austin” inside of it, the Associated Press reports. Alongside the photo were other posts of the couple among the red rocks that are a big draw for tourists in northern Arizona.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE BIDDIES WIN AGAIN

There was no chill in the morning forecast, but that didn’t stop one Los Angeles TV station from awkwardly making a female meteorologist cover up with a sweater right in the middle of her weekend weather report. KTLA meteorologist and reporter Liberté Chan was going about her job during the Saturday broadcast when an arm dangling a gray cardigan appeared at the edge of the screen.

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Boner Candidate #4: FREE HUGS THAT MAY HURT YOU

For years, Jermaine Himmelstein, 24, has held a sign offering “Free Hugs” in public places like Times Square and Washington Square Park, a seemingly kind offer that could brighten the days of tourists and lunch-breakers. For years, it hasn’t worked like that. The sign is a lie; Mr. Himmelstein has frequently accosted people who don’t tip him, in some cases assaulting them. Far from spreading joy, he was described in a 2013 profile in The New York Times as “a creepy legend.”

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Boner Candidate #5: WE WANT TO HELP THE POOR BABY

We’ve heard a lot about tourists trying to touch wildlife at Yellowstone National Park but this story takes personal encounters with animals a bit further. Karen Richardson of Victor, Idaho, was one of several parents chaperoning a group of fifth-graders on a field trip to Yellowstone this week. Richardson says on Monday, as students were being taught at Lamar Buffalo Ranch, a father and son pulled up at the ranger station with a bison calf in their SUV.

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Boner Candidate #6: TAKE IT OFF. THIS IS AMERICA

Near the end of his Southwest Airlines flight from Chicago to Albuquerque in December, Gill Parker Payne decided he had to take action. Seated a few rows in front of him was a woman he had never met before. She was wearing a religious headscarf, known as a hijab, which Payne recognized as a Muslim practice. He stood up, walked down the aisle and stopped next to her seat. Looking down at the woman, Payne instructed her to remove the covering.

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