Boners

Boner Candidate Preview May 24, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: Some People Are Never Happy

A woman who has been deaf all her life is now hearing for the first time thanks to new technology – and is already nagging her husband about being too LOUD.Mum-of-three Louise Windsor, 41, was discovered to be deaf at the age of 14 months and has spent the last four decades in virtual silence.

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Boner Candidate #2: You Guys Could Have Just Built a Sand Castle

“I like a joke as much as the next person, but this is a family beach event.” So says a town councilor in the UK, adding that “it’s trivializing quite a serious matter.” The offense in question was a risqué sand sculpture, but the offender was none other than a local police department, reports the BBC.

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Boner Candidate #3: So The Bear Bit You? How About That

One of two men who broke into a zoo in North Dakota got his hand bitten by a brown bear after sticking his arm through the bars of the animal’s enclosure, police said on Sunday. Police in Minot said they responded late on Saturday to a report that David Shepard, 21, came to a hospital emergency room saying he had been attacked by a bear.

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Boner Candidate #4: YOU COULD AT LEAST TRY TO LIVE UP TO YOUR NAME LE’GENIUS WISDOM…AT LEAST TRY

A 16-year-old boy arrested nearly three years ago on charges that he shot at another boy and committed a robbery was sentenced Monday to eight years in prison. Le’Genius Wisdom Williams of St. Petersburg, who was 13 then, pleaded guilty to shooting 15-year-old Dinarick Ford three times after the older teen reportedly taunted him.

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Boner Candidate #5: ONCE AGAIN, WE HAVE KILLED THE WRONG BEAR

A black bear killed at Great Smoky Mountains National Park after an attack on a hiker was not actually the bear involved in the attack, according to a DNA analysis. “It was a large, dominant male bear that fit the profile of the bear we expected to be responsible,” park spokeswoman Dana Soehn told Reuters.

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Boner Candidate #6: I’ve Been Sick

A TV reporter was arrested after he allegedly defecated on the front lawn near the subject of his story’s home. Jonathan Lowe, a reporter with KPHO, was arrested on Monday after a neighbor picking up his newspaper saw the 33-year-old leaning against a house and pooing.

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