Boners

Boner Candidate Preview May 31, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: The Great White Hope

“Something startling is happening to middle-aged white Americans. Unlike every other age group, unlike every other racial and ethnic group … death rates in this group have been rising, not falling.” The big new killers of middle-aged white folks? Alcoholic liver disease, overdoses of heroin and opioids, and suicides. So wrote Gina Kolata in The New York Times of a stunning study by the husband-wife team of Nobel laureate Angus Deaton and Anne Case. Deaton could cite but one parallel to this social disaster: “Only H.I.V./AIDS in contemporary times has done anything like this.”

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Boner Candidate #2: What Could Be More Italian?

An Italian court has acquitted a divorced father who offered to pay child support with pizza. When Nicola Toso split from his wife Nicoletta Zuin in 2002, he agreed to pay child support for their daughter, who was then 6 years old, according to the Daily Telegraph. The local Il Gazzettino newspaper reported that the amount was 300 euros, or about $335, per month. But when a crippling recession struck the southern European country in 2008, the 50-year-old professional pizza maker from Padua could no longer afford to hand over the support in cold, hard cash.

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Boner Candidate #3: The Hit and Run Was Done by the Other Me

Her guilty conscience was written all over her face. A Southern California woman wanted for a fatal hit-and-run dyed her hair pink and got a face tattoo in an unsuccessful bid to avoid cops, police said Sunday. Tracy Clapp, 36, was nabbed by Santa Ana cops following a wild car and foot chase that ended Saturday night when a police dog caught her, the Los Angeles Times reported. Clapp allegedly blew through a red light on April 20 and fatally struck 26-year-old Christopher Chavez, who was a drum-line instructor at a nearby high school. Clapp stopped briefly at the scene before taking off — just long enough for a witness to snap a picture of her.

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Boner Candidate #4: Rules Are Rules, Leukemia Boy

An Arizona high school student who spent his junior year battling leukemia did his best to make up the credits in his senior year and was elected student body president—but he still had to sit in the bleachers as the rest of his class graduated Thursday night. Stephen Dwyer, who had 12 chemotherapy treatments before a bone marrow transplant, is still 2.5 credits short of graduation requirements, and Dobson High School in Mesa said it couldn’t bend the rules to allow him to wear a cap and gown and join the graduation ceremony, the Arizona Republic reports. Instead, he had to sit in the stands after leading the Class of 2016 onto the field, reports 12 News.

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Boner Candidate #5: You Don’t Like Fun? I Won’t Bring ‘Em Back Again

The Environmental Health Division of Public Health Madison and Dane County has issued a health code violation to a Fitchburg restaurant that hosted an alligator. An employee at Me & Julio Restaurant on Fish Hatchery Road confirmed to News 3 that an alligator was brought to the restaurant on Thursday night. Two videos posted to social media Thursday evening showed the alligator in the restaurant. Health officials said the code violation does not include a fine. The owner of Me & Julio, Mike Shaul, told News 3 the alligators were brought in by friends who handle alligators. He said he was assured the alligators would not pose a safety concern and that the children in the restaurant were having fun.

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Boner Candidate #6: It’s a Family Tradition

During your first intercourse, were there people around you? Well, this man had his WHOLE family member by his side when he make love for the first time with his newlywed wife! Yeap, you heard me right, all the family members were there! A family living in Woodlands New Town, Singapore has this “special” traditions passed down through generation, where they would witness their male family members’ first sex!  The uncle of this man posted a picture of the process online and it went viral! The picture depicts an unexpected scene: a male and female lie on the bed, in the middle of intercourse!

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